My apologies

I'd like to give a formal apology to my readers - since I work in healthcare, my work schedule has been crazy busy as of late. I will do my best to post a minimum of once per week on Tuesday but I can NOT guarantee anything right now due to COVID19.

Thank you so much for understanding 💝 hopefully whenever we get this virus under control my own life will calm down and I can get back to our regularly scheduled postings of twice a week.

Relationship Anarchy

One of the many pride flags for relationship anarchy (unknown creator - flag has been around since at least 2016)

Relationship anarchy is a type of relationship. It is a form of relationship where there are no strict rules regarding the relationship. Some relationship anarchists see no distinct lines between different types of relationships. There is a big belief system in relationship anarchy community that monogamous marriages are "limiting" for the individuals who participate in them. 

Relationship anarchy as a concept initially began within the polyamorous community but has evolved since then, as a whole. Many relationship anarchists don't follow "stereotypes" or "norms' that have been established for relationships within society. 

The term "relationship anarchy" was coined by Andie Nordgren. It is difficult to find an exact coining date for the term, but it's estimated to have been floating around the internet since at least 2008. Some common core values that are common for relationship anarchists are:

• being non-hierarchical (i.e., they don’t rank their romantic partner[s] as necessarily more important than their friends)
• anti-prescriptionist (i.e., there are no built-in prescriptions about what a partnership must look like)
• nonmonogamous. (Some relationship anarchists are polyamorous, and some poly people practice relationship hierarchy, but the two are more like overlapping circles than synonyms.)

Some people have described relationship anarchy in BDSM terms "For BDSM we have two communities predominantly - SSS (safe, sane, consensual) which is used for the majority of BDSM play, and then we have RACK (risk-aware consensual kink) which is typically used for more dangerous or more inherently risky play, often with little to no formal rules or guidelines; relationship anarchy is more similar to RACK and polyamory as a whole is more like SSS - polyamorous relationships tend to have much more strict rules/guidelines than those that participate in relationship anarchy". 

Read more here:

• (Thank you this website for the bulleted text) 'What It’s Like Being a Relationship Anarchist" https://www.thecut.com/2018/10/what-does-relationship-anarchy-mean.html#:~:text=Relationship%20anarchy%20(RA)%2C%20a,upon%20by%20the%20involved%20parties.
• "Relationship Anarchy" http://www.relationship-anarchy.com/about

Tender BDSM

A hilarious and very true comic about BDSM

A lot of people, espicially those newer to BDSM seem to think it's all about pain and humiliation in some shape or form. That is just not the case. A bit misconception, specifically is with the pet play community.

People who are new to pet play or those who have never really looked into pet play seem to think it revolves (inherently) around beastiality and/or people dress up as pets solely for humiliation. This is false. A large study done showed majority of pet players (at least for this specific group of participants) showed most people who engage in pet play for it as a form of escapism. Children come up with creative games all the time, where they pretend they are fighting dragons or are faeries playing in the fields. Some pretend they are animals. Well, adults pretend to be animals too and this is pet play.

The wonderful thing about the BDSM community is that the bdsm activities and behaviors is like a giant buffet table. Indulge in what you want, and leave the rest behind.

Some pet players will pretend to be a sheep and their handler a shepherd. Some BDSM participants will have a caregiver-submissive dynamic to fill the void in their heart of having someone care for them or take care of someone. Some dynamics involve "household slaves" where the said slave will be in charge of just keeping the house clean, running errands, doing the laundry, and engage in other kinds of "household chores." Keep in mind that anything in the Master/slave dynamic has been consented to and the slave (or Master) had the right to retract consent at any time and walk away from the relationship for any reason.

The misconception that BDSM is only "hard core painful sex" or "only meant to degrade people" is a dangerous misconception that the mass media loves to push forward. BDSM can be tender and soft, and those players who wish to engage in this kind of tender play deserve recognition.

Lithosexuality

Lithosexual official flag!

Lithosexual (sometimes known as "akiosexual") comes from the asexual umbrella. Lithosexual means "a person who experiences sexual attraction but does NOT want it reciprocated under ANY circumstances." 

The community did face some backlash (specifically from the lesbian community). They accused lithosexual was "stealing" ideas from the lesbian community. Litho can be translated (as a prefix) as "stone" and lesbians felt this was "stolen" from their community because of the idea of a "stone lesbian". However, many people are not sure how true this idea is since it's debated in both the asexual umbrella and lesbian community. This is why the term "akiosexual" came about.

The flag was created by a user named "thejasmineelf" on Tumblr. I was not able to find an origin year/date for the flag. However, I was able to find what the flag colors mean. The flag colors mean (as per the creator): 

• Red represents community, as it is traditionally a color of leadership, life, and sensitivity.  
• Orange represents lith-ness, as it does on a version of the aro flag.  
• Yellow represents our varied relationships, also as it does on the mentioned aro flag. Yellow traditionally represents friendship, loyalty, and honor. 
• White represents romanticism and sexuality. 
• Black represents aromanticism and asexuality."

I could not find the exact origin of the term. However, Google Trends shows people regularly starting looking up the term "lithosexual" on Google regularly between 2012-2013. 

Lithosexual is a more popular term within the asexual umbrella. Many people within the asexual umbrella can easily recognize the official flag. Many people have heard (in LGBTQIA meeting areas) or seen the term float around online. 

My Personal Journey Through the Rainbow

It took me about ten years of term jumping before I finally realized what my sexual orientation was. Before age fourteen or so, I never really gave it serious thought. I just wasn't interested in dating, at all. My friends (girls and guys) would talk about who they had crushes on and the like and I just kind of awkwardly shrugged my shoulders. Did I have romantic fantasies? Sure, but nothing to the point of "sexual". Honestly, this should have been my first clue that I was asexual.

I remember going through old worksheets from middle school (about ages 10-13 for where I live in the world), I stumbled on some old health education class worksheets. The teacher asked something about romance and dating on the worksheet and when I read it now as an adult, I burst out laughing. Why? Apparently, my young brain thought it was okay to go on a tirade against dating, romance, sex, all of that. That should have been a huge red flag for my brain to go "hey, you're asexual". 

Around age fourteen I started to date seriously. I dated men throughout my high school years. However, from age 16 to18 I was sexually abused on a regular basis throughout the relationship. Around age 16 was when I started my journey of trying to figure myself out. Because of the abuse, I dissociated heavily when I was involved, personally, with any kind of sexual activity. I think this was what made it so difficult to figure myself out. 

At first, I claimed the title of "pansexual", a sexual orientation for those who feel sexually attracted to all consenting genders/sexes. After that I went to demisexual. I stuck with that term until around age 18 or 19 and I just didn't feel like "it fit" anymore. So I went through about a dozen of other terms found within the LGBTQIA community. 

It took me until I was 24 or 25 years old before I literally woke up one day (I believed it actually came to me through a dream) and I was like "Well hot damn, I am asexual." Romantically, I am panromantic. This means while I exhibit no sexual attraction towards people, romantically I am a-okay with all consenting adults who wish to have a romantic relationship with me and/or just do romantic activities with me. I jokingly will tell people "I am attracted to you in all ways except sexually". 

A subset of my asexuality is aegosexuality. In simple terms this basically means "I might have fantasies where I find you hot in the moment because I feel 'the horniness' come over me and I just need to clean out the pipes, but outside of these moments, I might say "you're beautiful", or "I want to date you" or "let's do sensual things", but sexuality wise, sex is fun when it happens, but I am perfectly okay with never having sex again in my life. I don't go out of my way to engage in sex with people." While speaking to other aegosexuals online, there seems to be a similar sentiment of "I was so confused for so long because I thought I had sexual attraction when in reality I was just horny and needed to 'let go of the urge' and then that was that". 

I am making this post to let people know that it is okay to take your time to figure out who you are. Sometimes people know from a young age. Others, it takes well into their adult years (I have heard stories of people not realizing what their orientation was until in their late 50s and 60s!). It is never too late to figure out who "you" are and whether or not you belong to the LGBTQIA community. 

Fire Play Medical Safety

Disclaimer: Fire play is apart of the BDSM community. As such, it is an 18+ activity only. BDSM goes by the age of majority, not age of consent.

Disclaimer 2: I have a graduate degree in public health and work in healthcare, however I do not have a medical degree or nursing degree. This is meant solely for a starting point for education. Please do plenty of research prior to engaging in fire play since it is inherently a very dangerous form of BDSM. Please seek out medical attention immediately if something goes wrong. Please look up safety procedures for handling different types of fire (fire dancing, breathing fire, fire acrobatics, etc.).  

Fire play is just what it sounds like - BDSM participants incorporating fire into their forms of play. It is certainly one of the more dangerous forms of play, since it does involve a very dangerous substance (fire). This article is meant solely as a basic medical introduction to help with any burns that occur during kinky scenes

First some basic fire injuries information: there are three stages of burns. 1st degree is like a sunburn. The first layer of skin is damaged. It leaves a pinkish red color. 2nd degree burns affect the first and second level of skin. It normally leaves some kind of blister. It will hurt quite a bit. Do not pop these blisters. Seek out medical attention. 3rd degree burns are the worst. They burn through all layers or skin. They often burn the nerves as well, leaving a numb sensation. These need medical attention as soon as possible.

Burns dehydrate the body. Do NOT use butter on any kind of burns. Do NOT stick any kind of ointment on the burn without guidance of your medical care team (nurse, doctor, etc.). Aloe vera can be good to treat 1st and 2nd degree burns (PURE aloe). DO NOT stick ice onto burns since it can "shock" the skin and cause further damage. If clothes or other items are stuck to the skin because of the burn DO NOT try to remove them.

What burns depends on the exact kind of treatment. For this reason, if anyone gets a 2nd or 3rd degree burn, the person should report immediately to a local hospital or clinic. 1st and 2nd degree burns can be placed in LUKEWARM (NOT cold) water until the appropriate medical attention has been given to help ease the pain.

Sapphic

One of the many proposed sapphic flags over the years

Preface: you could easily write entire books about this identity, so this will just be a brief overview

The term "sapphic" at its most basic definition means "woman who loves women". Many people prefer the term "sapphic" over "lesbian" because they feel the term "sapphic" is more friendly to nonbinary individuals.

The term "sapphic" is believed to have come from the Greek word "Sapphos" which is a reference to a woman who was a poet. 

Many pride flags have popped up over the years. The "lipstick lesbian" flag is a popular one but people have discovered that the person was a trans-exclusionary radical feminist, which made many people uncomfortable. There is no one predominant flag for the sapphic community. Whenever any kind of PRIDE event sells or features sapphic based merchandise, there is normally a large variation of "sapphic" based flags, and this is the reason why.

Some people will use phrases like "sapphic asexual". To these individuals, this normally means something along the lines of "I am asexual but I find myself attracted, on some level, solely to other women or have a very strong preference for women over other identities". 

A famous sapphic group in history is the "Samois" group. There were a lesbian-feminist BDSM organization based in San Francisco, California, USA, that existed from 1978 to 1983.

Aegosexuality

The official pride flag for aegosexuality!

Aegosexual (formally known as Autochorissexual) is a sexual orientation found within the asexual umbrella. It was coined by Anthony Bogaert in 2012. He used the term "autochorissexual", however, the community feels that this term pathologizes the identity. As a whole, the LGBTQIA community is moving away from these kinds of terminology that makes an illness out of natural expressions of human sexuality (like "homosexuality" and "autochorissexual"). 

For those curious, this is how Bogaert explains "autochorissexual" in his 2012 paper:

"I present evidence that target-oriented paraphilias may occur in some who report no sexual attraction for others or those who identify as asexual. One target-oriented paraphilia in some asexual people is a disconnection between their identity and a sexual target/object. I name this phenomenon autochorissexualism or ‘‘identity-less’’ sexuality."

So what does aegosexual mean? It is a term that, formally speaking has the definition of "A disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies, or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein". So what does this mean in average, everyday English? A good, easy to understand definition would be for aegosexual, "You might find a thought sexually appealing, but it's solely fantasy, you can't see yourself deriving actual pleasure from it if you were actually living in the scenario. Like you might fantasize about engaging in certain fetish or BDSM activities, but if this really happened to you, you wouldn't find any of it sexually attractive."

Aegosexuals often find it difficult to label themselves because they feel like they're paradoxically living with sexual attraction but at the same time, without sexual attraction. It often takes them many years to "figure out" themselves because of this paradoxical state of mind and/or being. 

The flag was designed by a user who goes by "hunterinabrowncoat" in July 2014. They do not give an explanation for the flag colors or design chosen. Some people have complained that this particular flag is "hard on the eyes" and a few alternatives have appeared throughout the years, but the flag created by hunterinabrowncoat is the most popular. (Quick side note, hunterinabrowncoat defines aegosexuality as "autochorissexuals feel the attraction, but don’t want to engage in sexual activities."). 

Phimosis

Disclaimer: I do not have a medical degree. If you believe this condition described in this article is one that you have, please contact your local doctor. I have an MPH degree and work in healthcare, but again, I do not have an M.D. This article is meant yo be used solely for educational purposes and not to self-diagnosis. 

Phimosis is a condition that affects the penis. It is a condition where the foreskin is too tight on the penis. It makes it painful to pull back the foreskin on the penis. With this said, it can make it difficult to clean this area of the body. It can mean infection could happen due to bacterial build up and getting infected. 

People who have this condition report having a difficult time orgasming since it is harder to feel sensations around the penis with this condition. This condition can be cured. For some people, it goes away on its own. For others, if they do not seek out appropriate medical treatment (steroid creams, surgery, etc.) then it can permanently damage the penis. It is important to consult with a doctor to determine the severity of the problem as well as to learn what treatment options are best for the patient's own individual circumstances.

While it is true that phimosis can make it difficult to ejaculate, this condition does not mean that the penis can not pass on STDs/STIs. Pregnancy can still be made to happen (often though the partners have to get creative with this in regards to method and positions). Some cases of phimosis can make it difficult and/or painful to pass urine out of the body as well. Some doctors also believe that this condition could possibly increase the risk of tumors to form on or around the penis. 

If you would like to learn more about this condition, please take a look at the links below!

• Tight Foreskin: https://www.baus.org.uk/patients/conditions/13/tight_foreskin_phimosis/
• Tight Foresin (Phimosis and Paraphimosis): https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/phimosis/
• Phimosis: https://urology.ucsf.edu/patient-care/children/phimosis

Pony Play 101

The official pony play flag!

Disclaimer: Pony play is a form of BDSM. As such, if you are legally recognized as a minor, you can not engage in pony play. Wait until you are of your local age of majority (most places this is between the ages of 18-21, depending on where you are in the world). Then, you are free to explore and play! Otherwise, please do not engage in any type of BDSM play. It is illegal and the penalties are harsh for everyone involved.

Pony play is a type of pet play. It is a type of animal roleplay, where typically the submissive will take on the persona of some kind of equine (zebra, domesticated horse, unicorn, etc.). The Dominant typically goes by "Dom/Domme", "Owner", and/or "Jockey" in the case of pony players. Pony play is one of the oldest forms of pet play. It has been practiced since at least the 1800s but it is speculated to go back even further.

Studies show that most forms of pet play are typically done as a form of escapism. Some people will daydream, some people will engage in different types of artistic endeavors, others will pretend to be animals. Pony play is no different. It is very rarely done for orgasmic/sexual reasons. Pet players are not inherently into bestiality or zoophilia (romantic attraction to animals). Beastiality and zoophilia are the vast minority. Rarely are pony players into pony play for humiliation either.

There are many types of pony play. Pony play can typically be divided into:

• Show ponies: the ponies who enjoy dressing up and acting like a pony, sometimes involved with fancy footwork (dressage) competitions for judges
• Cart ponies: the ponies who will pull carts with their Dominant in them - typically seen at Leather PRIDE parades (and/or latex/BDSM in general)
• Event ponies: ponies that train in specific athletic events for pony players - typically seen as jumpers, dressage,  or barrel racers

A cart pony pulling his Dominant

There are many other sub-communities of the pony play field but these are the most common in the community. The athletic ponies who participate in the athletics fields must be physically fit (as well as cart ponies) because the type of athletics that they do put a hard strain on the body. Many pony players say they prefer to be show ponies over cart or event ponies because "my body just can't handle the physically harder activities", which is perfectly fine!

Pony play typically has very expensive gear that goes along with it. Their gear normally involves a pony-like mask (often called a "pony hood") that is made out of a variety of materials (leather, spandex, rubber, etc.); hoof boots (boots that look like horse hooves, equivalent to a "heeless heel"); a tail of some kind (butt plug or clip on); a harness/bridle (typically made from a "biological" horse's bridle or harness); and a saddle made for pony players. It is NOT recommended for pony players to put on saddles made for biological horses because it is not built for the confirmation of a human spine (they are built for a biological horse's spine). The biological horse saddles also range in weights (some are fairly light and others can be quite heavy), which is not good for a human's spine. A hood by itself typically costs $1500+ (depending on who you're buying from) and the hoof boots typically run $500+ (again, depending on who you are buying from). Pony play gear is optional (like all forms of pet play), but many ponies prefer to wear some kind of gear because it helps them "get into the headspace" of their pony persona. 

Some pony play outfits are revealing, others are often covered head to toe in some kind of leather or spandex outfit. The outfits vary wildly within the community. 

An elaborate pony play mask by Bob Basset

Like all forms of pet play, it is recommended that you feed your pony player pony a human diet. There is a lot of food that can be made to look similar to "actual horse food", but please do not feed your pony player strictly a horse-made diet. No, your pony player does not have to be a vegan or vegetarian to be a pony player. 

The pony play flag (listed at the top of the post) was created in 2007 by a person who goes by "Mystic Storm" online. Here's what the flag means:

• Black - Represents the Black Leather most commonly worn in the Leather communities.  This shows our link to the Leather Community at large.
• White - Represents the pure inner spirit within each pony, no matter how each pony may be different.
• Blue- Represents the ponies who strive to exceed at their craft and who enjoy the competition aspect of pony play. Also, blue represents denim, for all the cowboys and cowgirls who love their ponies!
• Green - Represents nature, grass and running free in a field with no worries except the stupid horse flies
• Horseshoes  - Represents the pony out in its natural environment as well as a symbol to unify all ponies.

Many pony players love horses. As such, here is a list of basic terminology that you might often hear in pony player communities:

• Tack: the equipment used for the pony player (saddle, bridle/harness, bit, etc.)
• Bridle: a type of head gear that has reins attached to it
• Harness: a type of head gear that does NOT have reins attached to it
• Bit: An often metal piece (can be leather too, but most often it is a piece of metal) that goes into a horse's mouth (or pony player's mouth in this case)
• Dressage: a fancy type of horse competition, horses typically look their "sunday's best" as well as their person (the Dominant in the case of pony play); the simplest way to describe it without drawing or showing a video is "fancy footwork"
• Barrel Racing: a type of horse competition where a horse must travel around 3 barrels, typically in a clover pattern
• Walk: a basic 4 beat gait, the slowest gait (think of a person regularly walking)
• Trot: what's equivalent to a person's light jog, it is a two beat gait with two feet/hooves on the ground at once (du-du-du-du is the type of sound a trot would make, two feet on the ground {diagonally - so front left and back right followed by right front and back left})
• Canter: what's equivalent to a person's light run, it is a three beat gait with one leading foot/hoof on the ground (then raised up) following by three feet on the ground, propelling the animal forward (da-duh,duh,duh - da-duh,duh,duh if you can imagine how the sound would be, the 'lead' foot is the first foot on the ground (typically front left or front right) and then followed by the rest of the three legs)
• Gallop: what's equivalent to a full out run, it is a four beat gait where one leg will briefly come off the ground. 
• Spanish Walk: a fancy gait that is essentially an exaggerated "walk" gait where the animal will hyperextend their front legs while walking to create elegant body movement
• Hoof pick: a tool used to clean a horse's hooves
• Curry comb: A type of comb used to remove old hair and debris off bio-horses
• Bio-horse: a horse or pony that is biologically a horse or pony
• Draft horse: a larger breed of horse (encompasses many breeds) that are typically built to haul large objects or be in a cart

There are pony play competitions (one of the most famous is named Equus) that involve different types of activities (dressage, jumpers, cart pulling, and choreographed sequences are the most common types) can be found throughout the world. Some pony players just play at home with their BDSM partner and this is fine. Sometimes Leather and/or BDSM PRIDE parades will be hosted in public settings and pony players can often be found there as well. 

Interested in learning more? The following links are great starting points!

• Exploring Pony Play - https://www.cpony.com/home/
• Equus International Pony Play - http://www.equusippe.com/
• [Youtube] Equus International Pony Play - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCC9KDBkq024fqLy4x7arvHQ

Menstruation

The Uterus Plush that can be found in TheAwkwardYeti store!

Disclaimer: I am not an OBGYN - if you have serious health concerns, please consult your local OBGYN. I have a graduate degree in public health and work with doctors at my local hospital. This blog post is meant solely to be educational. 

There have been entire books written about the infamous "monthly visitor" - so I will keep this as a basic overview.  Whenever a person has their "monthly visitor" (known as menstruation), there is bleeding (anywhere from mild to severe, it's completely individualistic) because of the uterus getting rid of its excessive tissue because the body did not become pregnant.

Some people have problems with anemia, which occurs when a large amount of blood has been lost. These people typically need to manage it via pills (prescription drugs, hormonal birth control, etc.). Some have it so bad that they have to go to the hospital whenever this happens for a blood transfusion. Please keep in mind that this is the exception, not the rule for periods to be this bad.

Hormonal based birth control can make the bleeding lighter (or heavier). It depends on the individual person. It is not really known why periods still occur while hormonal based birth control is being used because of how birth control affects the body's biochemistry. 

The onset age for when a person first experiences this typically ranges from age 7-14. Some start sooner, some start later. After a person experiences their first menstruation cycle, they can become pregnant (however it is not advised since people who get pregnant "too young" dramatically increase health problems for both the person carrying the fetus and the fetus themselves).

Duration for the bleeding can be anywhere from 3-8 days typically. Periods generally come once a month (about once every 2.5 to 4 weeks). Periods can become irregular for numerous reasons (including but not limited to: extreme stress, hormonal based birth control, pregnant or breastfeeding, and thyroid problems). Besides the bleeding, other changes can involve mood swings, fatigue, depression, bloating, and headaches. Everyone is different with how they experience menstruation.

It is important to remember that it is not physically possible to have a period while pregnant (however there is a very slight risk of becoming pregnant while having "period sex"), however, spotting can occur. For many, they can not tell the difference between "period blood" and "spotting blood". Spotting is different from "period blood" (spotting is a very common side effect of hormonal based birth control).

"PMS" (pre-menstruation syndrome) is what happens before the monthly cycle occurs. It normally happens about 2-4 days prior to menstruation actually occurring. Signs and symptoms typically involving: mood swings, food cravings, irritability, depression, and tender breasts. If symptoms are severe, it is recommended to go to your local doctor. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) can cause intense irritability, depression, and/or anxiety.

There are numerous hygiene products that can be used to help deal with the bleeding. These include, but are not limited to:

• Pads
• Tampons
• The Cup
• "Period undergarments"
• Sponges

Each type has its own pros and cons. It completely depends on what the person is wanting to do and their own preferences. Please keep in mind that any insertables (like the Cup or tampons) can become painful if any type of vaginal atrophy (aka vaginal dryness) is occurring (patients post-chemotherapy often have trouble for example).

Menstruation is a very natural process. The body didn't get pregnant so it's getting rid of the excess tissue. This comes out in the form of blood. It is just another type of vaginal secretion. 

Sperm Life Cycle

Source of image: https://tinyurl.com/yddxt6s7

Many millions of sperm are produced each day in the testicles. Their number one function is to procreate with an egg. Once sperm is formed, it can take anywhere from two to three months to "fully" mature. When first create, they lack the ability to swim or propel themselves forward. 

If a person has a poor lifestyle (poor diet, poor exercise habits, is a smoker and drinks alcohol regularly to the point of excess, etc.) then this can negatively impact the quality of the sperm. Once a person "cleans up" their lifestyle, it can take about three months for the sperm to return to being "top quality" sperm. If the testicles are acutely (shortly) exposed to a very hot environment (hot tub, sauna, very hot weather, etc.) this can also negatively affect the sperm (so having sex in this kind of environment can weaken the quality of sperm that comes out of the body). Different prescriptions can also potentially affect sperm quality and quantity. For this reason, please consult your prescriber about your concerns if this is a concern for you.

A person, once they hit puberty, can produce and ejaculate sperm all their life. However, generally speaking the overall quality of one's sperm tends to go down around age 40-45 (all depends on the individual). For this reason, it is generally not recommended to try to get someone pregnant post this age (if you are the sperm maker/holder) because it increases the risk of birth defects and other issues. 

Once inside a vagina, the sperm itself can survive about 3-5 days if it does not reach the egg and achieve fertilization. If the sperm enters the body orally the sperm may last a few hours at most. There does not seem to be a scientific consensus for how long sperm would survive if it does into the anus. After these time periods, the sperm dies and the body will either dissolve it or be rid of it (for example some white blood cells will literally consume the sperm and dissolve them inside their cellular bodies). 

There are some variations of sperm, most of which indicate unhealthy sperm (please note that these tend to be individual issues to individual sperm cells, there is a large natural variation to the size and shape of sperm cells in a person's own body):

• Macrocephaly (aka "large headed sperm" that can cause too many chromosomes when fertilizing an egg)
• Microcephaly (aka "small headed sperm" that can cause the inability for these specific sperm cells to properly fertilize an egg)
• Headless sperm (since they have no head there is no ability for these specific sperm cells to properly fertilize an egg)
• Two headed sperm (this can cause an issue with fertility since they normally don't swim fast enough to fertilize an egg)
• Multiple tails (this can cause potentially miscarriages or produce problems during pregnancy since multiple tails are often associated with large headed sperm {"macrocephaly"})

It is important to note that of the many sperm produced in a person's testes, about 15% are perfectly healthy. For this reason, having "abnormal" sperm cells are very common. 

To learn more about the life cycle of sperm, please consider taking a look at these links below! (Note: This is also where I found the information to supplement this article).

• "The Life Cycle of Sperm Development": https://www.shadygrovefertility.com/blog/fertility-health/fertility-facts-sperm-regeneration/
• "What's the lifespan of sperm after ejaculation?": https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/183/how-long-do-sperm-live
• "What Happens to Sperm Once They're Inside a Woman?" https://gizmodo.com/what-happens-to-sperm-once-theyre-inside-a-woman-1716992251
• "Sperm Morphology!" https://www.londonspermbank.com/blog/what-the-shape-of-your-sperm-says-about-you/
• "How Age Matters For Your Ferility" https://www.yourfertility.org.au/everyone/age

Obscenity

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer - I have taken a handful of law classes during my time in academia, if you have serious questions about the law, please consult with a lawyer!

If you've been on any adult website, there is sometimes an obscenity clause found somewhere on the website. The clause will normally say something like, "By using this website you agree that content on this website is not obscene." So what exactly is "obscenity"? I can answer!

During the 1970s there was a court case. What became of the court case is known as the "Miller's test". So what does this test consist of? This is what it is:

• Whether "the average person, applying contemporary community standards", would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest,
• Whether the work depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct or excretory functions specifically defined by applicable state law,
• Whether the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value

An item/subject must meet all three to be deemed "obscene". This is how I interpret these three points (for those wanting a "plain English" version):

• Whether the average person you find on the street would find this specific item/product (whatever it is that's facing this test) is excessively "sexual" in nature or appeal to "lustful desire"
• Whether the average person would find this item/product (whatever is facing this test) clearly without a doubt offensive or violates laws SPECIFIC TO STATE about laws regarding sexual activity and/or excrement material (feces, urine, vomiting)
• Whether the average person would see the specific item/product (whatever it is that is facing this test) as having zero literacy (written work), artistic (visual or performance), political, or scientific value

Because of this law (while it is rare for someone to use this in court now-a-days as of the time of this post), many people who want to do anything remotely related to sex or sexuality (even if it is an educational platform), many people are scared to be hit with this lawsuit. Some laws that are specific to obscenity involve:

• Mailing "obscene" material 
• Transporting "obscene" material for the purpose of sales or distribution
• Misleading domain names on the internet
• Misleading words or digital material on the internet
• Section 1466A of Title 18, United State Code, makes it illegal for any person to knowingly produce, distribute, receive, or possess with intent to transfer or distribute visual representations, such as drawings, cartoons, or paintings that appear to depict minors engaged in sexually explicit conduct and are deemed obscene

Laws are not limited to the list above, however! "Obscenity" is one of the many reasons why BDSM bloggers (regardless of the platform) have explicit warnings on the website saying minors are not allowed to view the site (minor being defined as age 17 or younger on most sites, some sites say you must be 21+ to view to be extra safe). 

Even people with solely educational intentions (like making a sex education blog or online class) can find it difficult to make their content, out of fear of a parent hitting them with an obscenity lawsuit. Many host websites have "anti-obscenity" clauses as well so content creators can't post anything on the website that's even remotely similar to nudity, genitalia, breasts, buttocks, or sex acts (even if it's just a medical illustration of the body part or discussion involving STDs/STIs). Sadly there are not a lot of options out there for those who want to educate others about human sexuality and the future doesn't look too bright in this regard either with laws like SESTA/FOSTA and  COPPA. 

If you would like to learn and read more about obscenity, check out the following links [applicable to laws in the USA only]:

• "CITIZEN'S GUIDE TO U.S. FEDERAL LAW ON OBSCENITY": https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-obscenity
• "Obscenity": https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/obscenity
• "Pornography and Obscenity": https://www.freedomforuminstitute.org/first-amendment-center/topics/freedom-of-speech-2/adult-entertainment/pornography-obscenity/
• "Obscenity Law": https://www.hg.org/obscenity-law.html

Queer

A popular queer PRIDE flag! 

One could write an entire book on the word "queer" itself. This blog post is meant to act as a brief summary of using the word "queer" as an individual sexual identity for one's sexual orientation.

The term "queer" originates from the German language, back in the 1500s. As time went on, it eventually turned into what we know as "queer" today. In today's LGBTQIA circles, the word "queer" means "not straight". Some people use it as a way to say "my identity is very complex, so I'll simplify it and use 'queer'". Other people use it to mean "I know I am not straight, I don't know anything beyond that." Some people use it as a 'placeholder' term until they find something more appropriate to whatever term closer fits their own unique circumstances and personal history.

Queer can be used as an individual term or an umbrella term. There are academia fields known as "queer theory" and "queer history" that essentially go over the history of the LGBTQIA community as well as explore different types of theories (philosophy, art, etc.) that influence today's LGBTQIA community. One example of queer theory is the idea of "pomosexuality" that first came into existence during the late 1990s (the short version is that it's a label that means "I am between labels of the LGBTQIA community, I don't quite fit into any contemporary label", I actually wrote about pomosexuality on this blog, -click- to read it!)

The flag posted at the top of this post is one of the most popular variations of the "queer" flag (numerous flags have appeared for the identity "queer" throughout the years, both as an umbrella and individual term). This flag was created by a person who goes by the username Pastelmemer online (unknown year it was made, it's been around since at least 2015 according to many LGBTQIA resource websites). The flag colors (according to the original maker) mean: "The pinks and blues next to each other represent same-gender attraction, the orange and green are for nb, and black and white for ace/aro/agender spectrum people as well!"

During the AIDS crisis (1970s and 1980s in the USA), many people became fearful of those who said they were gay or bisexual. Because of that, the term "queer" was often used as a way to dehumanize these individuals. However, large surveys across the LGBTQIA community across numerous popular social media platforms (Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Reddit, etc.) have found that majority of today's generation of the LGBTQIA community (as of the late 2010s and 2020) found that the term queer is either "reclaimed" and/or "no longer a slur". 

Demisexuality

The Official Demisexual Flag!

Demisexuality is defined as "a sexual orientation in which a person does not exhibit sexual attraction for anyone. However, an exception is one where someone has developed a powerful bond with someone. Please note that this bond does not have to be romantic in nature."

The focus of demisexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. Demisexual falls without the "graysexual" community (find the article I wrote on grays here -click-). Graysexuals only have sexual attraction very rarely and/or under very specific circumstances.

Demisexual was originally coined on an internet message board back in 2004. It faded into obscurity until 2008 where members of the asexual community found it and adopted it for themselves. There is a rumor going around the internet that this term originated on AVEN when that is NOT the case. Ever since the word has skyrocketed into popularity and is possibly the most used sexual orientation term within the graysexual community (possibly more popular than "graysexual" itself). The person who originally coined it didn't take it seriously but it is now a well-recognized term within the asexual umbrella. 

The flag colors mean this:  Black stands for asexuality.  Grey represents Gray-Ace and demisexuality.  White represents sexuality.  Purple represents the community. I was unable to find the flag origins (when it was created and by whom). 

People who are demisexual can work in the sex industry (erotic writers, sexologists, erotologists, on the set of porn shoots, escorts, etc.) and it doesn't invalidate their sexuality. Demisexuality is not choosing to be celibate. It is not a conscious choice to choose to be or not to be sexually attracted to someone. 

If you would like to learn more about demisexuality, check out these links!

• Demisexuality Resource Center: http://demisexuality.org/
• AVEN Message Board: https://asexuality.org/en
• Asexual Pride! [Tumblr]: https://queeracepride.tumblr.com/
• Why Demisexual Isn't Just "Being Normal" [Youtube]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkXy8g3fNmQ&t=1s

NuvaRing

The NuvaRing is a useful hormonal based contraception

Disclaimer: While I do work in healthcare and have a minor in biology, I do not have a medical degree. If you feel this type of birth control could be a good option for you, please visit your local OB/GYN. This article is meant solely to be an educational "starting point" for readers. I strongly recommend that you do your own research and discuss any birth control related concerns to your physician. 

"The Ring" (also known as NuvaRing) is a type of hormonal based birth control. It has a 90-99% success rate at preventing pregnancy. The NuvaRing works by bending/twisting the ring against itself (so it looks like a figure-eight) and gently pushing it inside of the vagina. 

The NuvaRing prevents the sperm from touching an egg. The NuvaRing releases estrogen and progesterone into the body. These increased hormones levels in the body signal the brain to stop ovulating as well as thicken the mucus within the cervix to help prevent pregnancy. It is important to remember that NuvaRing does not protect against STDs/STIs.  The NuvaRing puts about 33% of extra hormones into your body. 

As per the manufacturer's website "In a given 4-week cycle, NuvaRing must be inserted into your vagina, removed after 3 weeks, and a new ring must be inserted 7 days later."

The NuvaRing can be worn when you go swimming, bathe, or shower. During sex, many partners report they "might" feel it, but it isn't bothersome. When inserted correctly, the NuvaRing should not cause pain. If there is pain, please report this to your OB/GYN. 

It is important to remember that some people have "smooth sailing" with hormonal based birth control (little to no bad side effects) while others have pure Hell. A person's experience with hormonal based birth control is completely individualistic. 

If you are interested in learning more about the NuvaRing, please speak to your local OB/GYN. Here is the manufacturer's website (https://www.nuvaring.com/)!

The Patch

"The Patch" can be a popular choice of birth control 

Disclaimer: I do work in healthcare and have a graduate degree in public health. However, I do not have a medical degree. This post is to be used solely for educational purposes and as a "starting point". Please do your own research and talk to you OB/GYN if this sounds like a good birth control option for you!

Xulane (otherwise known as "The Patch") is a type of hormonal birth control. Hormonal birth control tends to be less likely to have a person become pregnant (as opposed to non-hormonal birth control). The Patch specifically has about 90-99% chance of not getting someone pregnant (when used correctly). The Patch is used three weeks at a time and then "given a break" for one week (so you use it 3/4 weeks of a given month and then "have a break" for that last month). It is typically placed on the inside of the arm, the back, the side of the leg, abdomen, or buttocks. The Patch is only slightly larger than the American quarter. 

The idea with The Patch is that it's a "skin neutral" color (caucasian "neutral") that can be placed in an area that is unlikely to be seen by the average stranger. It is waterproof, which means it can be worn in the shower, go for a swim, or take a bath. The Patch puts in your body about 60% extra hormones (as compared to say most other hormonal forms of birth control which puts on average about 33% of extra hormones, the mini pill even less!). As per the manufacturing website "Hormones from the patch enter the bloodstream and are processed by the body differently than hormones from birth control pills. You will be exposed to about 60% more estrogen if you use the patch than if you use a typical birth control pill containing 35 micrograms of estrogen. In general, increased estrogen may increase the risk of side effects, including blood clots.". So if your body is sensitive to hormonal changes, this might not be the birth control for you.

It should be noted that everyone will have a vastly different experience with hormonal based birth control. Some people have "smooth sailing" with zero or almost zero problems. Other people have pure Hell, regardless of the hormonal birth control they choose. 

If you are interested in learning more about this type of birth control, please speak to you OB/GYN as well as take a look at the manufactuer's website (https://www.xulane.com/en/use-xulane)!

Vaginal Atrophy

Vaginal Atrophy can cause a lot of distress for individuals

Disclaimer: While I do work in healthcare, have a graduate degree in public health and have worked in the women's center at my undergraduate school, I have not gone to medical school. If you have serious questions/concerns regarding your own vaginal health, please go to your local OB/GYN for their medical advice. This document is being used solely for educational purposes and as a "starting point". This article is not meant to be used to self-diagnosis purposes in any shape or form.

Vaginal atrophy is known as the "thinning" of vaginal tissues. This can be caused by a variety of things such as (but not limited to): menopause, chemotherapy, radiation, giving birth to a child, breastfeeding, traditional cigarette smoking, ovary removal via surgery, douching, and perimenopause. When discussing cancer, unless it is a type of reproductive cancer (clitoral, vulvar, vaginal), rarely is vaginal atrophy mentioned as a side effect. Vaginal atrophy is a potential side effect from chemotherapy and radiation that can last for a very long time post these medical procedures as well (some people have said it's lasted over a year post the end of treatment for chemotherapy and radiation).

Vaginal atrophy normally causes the following signs and symptoms for a person: feeling like one has an "itchy vagina", painful (or impossible) insertion of hygiene products (tampons or diva cups for example), burning sensation while urinating, bleeding and/or discomfort with vaginal intercourse, and decreased lubrication when it comes to masturbation and/or vaginal intercourse. 

There are a variety of lubricants one can use to help this issue (masturbation or intercourse options). Please discuss with your doctor to see what they suggest (given your own life circumstances, what you're allergic to, etc.). Some might even suggest the "mini pill"(a type of birth control that is hormonal) to try to help vaginal atrophy. Please do not feel shame or embarrassment when discussing your vaginal health. Trust me, you aren't the first person to experience vaginal atrophy! 

Numbing cream is not recommended. Why? Pain means something is wrong and no type of masturbation or intercourse is inherently supposed to hurt. 

Autosexuality

Autosexual can be defined as "sexual attraction to one's self". It was first coined by the sex researcher, Bernard Apfelbaum, in 1989.  Some people have described it as "You know that feeling you get when you're sexually attracted to your partner? Well, I feel that whenever I look at myself, not towards other people".

Dr McGowan from University College London explains the orientation as: "Autosexuals are more comfortable sexually when in their own company, while narcissists crave attention. Autosexuality is also not likely to be associated with a lack of empathy or desire to give others pleasure – sexually or otherwise – but rather a preference towards a private and personal sexual experience."

There is a spectrum of autosexuality like many sexual orientations. They can still have sex with other people. Some of them do choose to have romantic partners, while others choose to "marry themselves". Some will have sexual fantasies involving themselves as well.

Autosexuals come from all slices of life and have a wide range of personalities. Are some narcissistic (clinical or laymen's definition)? Yes. However, it is not a requirement to be autosexual. Are some egotistical? Yes, but it is not a requirement to be autosexual.

The maker of the autosexual flag is a user who goes by the name "aturinfortheworse" online. It was created in 2013. When asked about the meanings, they responded with "I think the red is for love/sexual attraction. Grey for some connection to the ace/grey-ace flag because there’s a lot of overlap. I’m really stumped by the pale blue . . . something to do with the pansexual flag, i think? No, right, okay; I’ve got it, I think.  So the main people - as far as I can tell, and by no means am I suggesting this is all - who are autosexual are either Potential Attraction to Literally Anyone (as in pansexual, self inclusive) or are attracted to only themselves and often identify as ace/grey-ace. So the blue is from the pansexual flag and the grey is from the ace flag. With this in mind, I just thought of a simpler flag: grey stripe, red stripe, blue stripe.")

Interesting in learning more about autosexuality? Here's some resources!

• "'I'm autosexual and I fancy myself more than other people'" https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/85b0bae2-b9fb-4358-9519-4d68aafaf49c
• "Age of the autosexual: the people sexually attracted to themselves" https://www.theguardian.com/society/shortcuts/2019/mar/04/age-of-the-autosexual-the-people-sexually-attracted-to-themselves
• "What it's like being autosexual when you're attracted to yourself" https://metro.co.uk/2019/03/02/whats-it-like-being-autosexual-when-youre-attracted-to-yourself-8792806/
• "How to tell if you’re autosexual: When you’re sexually attracted to yourself" https://thetab.com/uk/2019/03/06/what-its-like-being-autosexual-when-youre-attracted-to-yourself-94749

Graysexuality

Graysexual is apart of the asexual community!

Graysexual is apart of the asexual community. Definitions vary from person to person, but a generally accepted definition for graysexual is "Someone who is rarely experiencing sexual attraction and/or under very specific circumstances." Please note that "rarely" can depend on the person (once a week vs once a month vs once a year vs once every few years). Demisexual is perhaps one of the most, if not the most well known graysexual identity.  Graysexual can be used as an umbrella term or individual term. 

The flag was created by a user that goes by the name "Shikku27316". I could not find a year for when the flag was created.  The colors mean, according to Shikku27316 "The purple was asexuality, the white was allosexuality, and the grey was the region of "getting over" asexuality, and then "getting over" allosexuality to be asexual again, but that sounds pretty dumb, plus it's not the only definition of greysexual. So, the colours mean the same, but it's kinda symbolising the two coming together to make the grey area". 

Many graysexuals see themselves as "Not asexual but I do experience sexual attraction (although rarely), but I don't really feel connected to the alloseuxal (not asexual) community because I just don't think/feel/experience things like they do." This is why many asexuals and graysexuals say "asexual spectrum" or "asexual community". Some people feel differently ("There's asexual and then allosexual (non-asexual), that's it").

BDSM Collars

A BDSM collar is very popular within the Dom/sub dynamic

Collaring goes back to the ye-old-days of BDSM. It is the equivalent to a wedding ring in the kink world. For some, though rare, it is just another fashion accessory. For others within the BDSM community, it shows a deep level of commitment. For some dynamics, there is just "the collar". There are not specific "stages" or "levels" of collars. Other dynamics (often considered more "old school") have a very specific process for different types of collars.

1. Collar of Consideration
2. Training Collar
3. Formal Collar

The "collar of consideration" is on-par with a "promise ring". For the BDSM couple, it is to show that you are willing to "test the waters" with this specific relationship. If the partner(s) feel it isn't working out, it can be revoked. Otherwise, the next collar in the process is the "training collar". The training collar is on-par with the "engagement ring". The training collar shows the couple is comfortable with each other and still working out the exact dynamics ad limits of the relationship. The next and final collar in this process is called the "formal collar". This formal collar is on par with the "wedding ring". There is normally a formal ceremony done when giving the submissive this new collar.

When it comes to collaring, many BDSM couples often have a "day collar" (the collar that will be worn in public, often a simple necklace, bracelet, or some other kind of adornment) and "play collar" (this is for more private scenarios and/or when they're around other kinksters).

The "silent rules" of the collar is generally this - if a person has a collar on, it means "hands off". It means other Dominants (regardless of their type - dominatrix, Master, Owner, etc.) can not touch the submissive. Some take it as far as "you must talk to my Dominant before speaking with me or interacting with me". For everyone, every dynamic is different. 

Some other collars include:

• Collar of Protection
• Slave Collar

The collar of protection is typically used in a "protector" dynamic. The "protector" vows to keep their partner safe (online and in-person) from harm in the "real world". The slave collar is normally used with the Master/slave dynamic. It is important to note here that like all of BDSM, the "Master/slave" dynamic is solely fantastical. It is a consensual relationship where the submissive agrees to give the Master all rights and power in the relationship. This kind of dynamic is argued to be the most extreme version of any BDSM relationship. Not many can handle this type of relationship (and that is okay!). It is also important to note that all slaves have the right to happiness, safety, and to walk away from the relationship when they feel that they aren't being respected, being purposely put in harm's way, etc. 

Collars can be made out of many different materials. Each type of collar with the material it is made out of having different pros and cons to them (for example silk looks absolutely beautiful but unfortunately gets ruined quickly if pressed against the skin for too long because of how silk reacts to the sweat that the body naturally does throughout the day). 

Collaring is one of the first things newbies learn about within the BDSM community because it is such a common tradition within the BDSM community. Most BDSM practitioners recommend taking the utmost caution when it comes to giving or receiving collars because of the powerful symbolism that is prescribed to the notion of "collaring someone". 

BDSM Styles of Play

BDSM holds many different styles of play. It isn't just "RACK" or "SSC" (those these two are the most common). Here's a list of known styles of play:

• SCC: "safe sane consensual"
• RACK: "risk aware consensual kink"
• PRICK: "personal responsibility informed consensual kink"
• CCC: "committed compassionate consent"

SCC is perhaps the most popular style of play. It generally stays aware from what we consider inherently much more dangerous styles of play (like breath play and gun play). Many people don't practice "CNC" (consensual non consent as it's commonly called) with SCC. Safe words are clearly established (or the "traffic light" system as many use). Whenever the safe word is used in SSC play styles, the safe word stops the scene immediately. 

RACK is a bit more...risky. It includes more dangerous kinks (dangerous being defined as "one mistake and you're likely sending that person to the hospital, or the grave"). This could include something like practice bondage on your own (doing any kind of bondage on your own is incredibly dangerous due to unexpected health problems that can pop up like strokes, heart attacks, panic attacks, things of this nature). Many people do not feel comfortable preforming RACK at all, or if they do, it's only with partners they have a well established bond with (again, given the inherent risks and dangers). People who have argued against RACK have stated things like "I have often seen people use it to justify abuse".  RACK generally will have a "safe word" but safe words (depending on the exact RACK dynamic agreed upon) generally means for these play partners "ease off" rather than "stop the scene immediately". 

PRICK is similar to RACK, but it puts much more emphasis on individuals than opposed to the play dynamic. People who practice PRICK take it upon themselves that while they engage in riskier forms of play (like using sharp objects around the genitals), they will do their own intense research into the form of play prior to engaging in it. They expect their partner to do the same. It's like a "silent agreement to do research". 

CCC is very similar to RACK, but people who coined this and drifted to the CCC term (as opposed to RACK) felt like the emotional well being was not being taken care of (as well as it should) when play partners were using a RACK play style. CCC is generally seen as an appropriate style of play for partners involved with TPE (total power exchange) relationships. CCC, safewords are not permitted. Hard limits are established, however. 

Angential

The pride flag for angenital - unknown color meanings, flag maker is known online as uchuulien

Angenital can be defined as someone who "feels uncomfortable (potentially dysphoric) about having any kind of genitalia". People who are angenital do not mind having gendered pronouns (she/her/hers or he/his/him for example). People who are angenital don't mind having a gender identity that is relating to the feminine spectrum (such as demigirl) or masculine spectrum (such as libramasculine). Angenital has been known to be shortened to "ANG". 

The name of the surgery to "be rid of one's own genitals" is called "gender nullification". Those who have had often report difficulty with urination post-surgery ("holding it in" as well as being more prone to infections). Different surgeons remove different amounts of body parts (depending on the specific client's wishes as well as laws regarding this type of severe body modification). Often times post surgery clients have to take some kind of supplemental hormone. 

Through the research that I did, it is not clear if this type of surgery is still considered legal in the USA (I found conflicting articles about this). Some people who have gone through with this surgery have stated that they reached out to surgeons who had experience with transgender individuals who wanted to change their genitalia. 

In regards to Facebook groups, there is not a lot out there. On Fetlife, there is one gender nullification group. 

The reason why people do this extreme body modification is generally given as "I never felt comfortable with me body in that area - I just want it gone." 

Bisexuality

The official bisexual flag. The flag was created in 1998!

Ah, bisexuality. There are are few definitions floating around the internet for bisexuality. Here are a few:

• anyone who is attracted romantically and/or sexually to more than one gender (https://biresource.org)
•  physical attraction, romantic attraction, or sexual behavior that is not limited to one sex.  (www.bi.org)
• characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to both men and women (Merriam-Webster)

It is a type of multisexual attraction (meaning sexually attracted to more than one identity). The exact difference between "bisexual vs polysexual vs pansexual/omnisexual" varies wildly from person to person. Linguistically, bisexual can be broken down to "two + sexual". HOWEVER, there are many ways to interpret this "two" ("my gender and others" is a commonly used example of this, which by its very nature includes a multitude of gender identities and/or sexes).

The bisexual flag was crafted in 1998. The flag was created by a team that was led by Michael Page. The color meanings (from viewer top to bottom, according to Page themselves): the pink references same-sex attraction, the purple references sexual attraction to both sexes and blue references sexual attraction to the opposite sex.  

The bisexuality community is vast. Many LGBTQIA members are advocated for unity between the multisexual communities (pansexual/omnisexual, polysexual, bisexual, etc.) because (as they put it) "senseless fighting only harms our community" (referencing the LGBTQIA community). 

Heteroflexible (elasexual) and homoflexible (anisosexual) depends on the individual for if they're seen as a sub-community of the bisexual community or separate identities altogether. The argument for them not being "biphobic" is (in their words) "I don't have anything against the bisexual community or bisexual people, I just don't feel comfortable associating with the term". This often comes from a history of bad experience with the community online or personal bad experience. 

Regardless of what multisexual identity a person chooses to use, it often comes down to personal preference. These are identities are not inherently harmful to one another. 

Polyamorous vs Monoamorous

poly vs mono is a very complex phenomenon whenever it comes to how many partners we choose to have (romantically and/or sexually)

"Polyamorous" is more than one and "monoamorous" is one. People have often wondered, why is "mono the default" in regards to what is acceptable. This is...complicated to say the least. One of the leading theories for why initially "mono couples" started happening was because of STDs/STIs. 

In today's era, "polyamorous" often gets the excuse of "it's just a cheater" when that is not the case at all. In polyamorous couples (and families), there are ground rules laid down for everyone participating in the relationship. For example, a common rule is if you have sex outside of the polyamorous relationship then the person must wear some kind of protective device to reduce the risk of STDs/STIs being transferred.

The polyamorous community is starting to come out more "into the light" (so to speak). They are marching in LGBTQIA PRIDE parades (please note: they are not inherently apart of the LGBTQIA communities, they're like close cousins in the grand scheme of things). Many polyamorous groups are fighting for equal rights in regards to marriages as well.

The media (at least for America) does not have a good reputation for showcasing polyamorous couples. "Sister Wives" and similar shows are universally disliked within the polyamorous communities.  

What "causes" someone to be polyamorous? Currently, the science shows that scientists believe it's a combination of things - genetics, how your family and friends treated the idea of polyamorous couples and families (for example - if your family had a very negative attitude towards polyamorous couples and families, that idea is likely to imprint upon you), and your own cultural attitudes towards them. 

Many couples who are monoamorous decide they want to "dip their toes" into the polyamorous community (non-monogamy) and this is fine. There is a difference between mono-monogamous, polyamorous, and swings too. Non-monogamy covers a wide variety of different "not monogamous" type relationships, polyamorous generally means multiple romantic partners, and swingers tends to mean multiple sexual partners (with little to no regard for the romantic part of the relationship). However, these three definitions vary slightly from person to person.

There are so many different ways to have ethical polyamorous relationships. Every polyamorous relationship varies from person to person and couple to couple. There is no one "right way" to engage in an ethical (and consensual) polyamorous relationship. 

There are numerous polyamorous support groups on social media. There are also many videos on Youtube that cover the subject (with varying quality) - as well as numerous books and documentaries about the polyamorous community. 

If you'd like to learn more about the polyamorous community - below is a great list of "starter resources" for those who are just beginning to learn about this community:

• The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (book)
• More than Two (book and website)
• Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful by Anthony Ravenscroft (book)
• Solopoly.net (website)

While many of these resources focus on the "straight polyamorous relationships", it is very difficult to find polyamorous resources that are geared towards LGBTQIA couples and individuals. If anyone finds these kinds of resources, please let me know so I can add it to the list!