Demisexuality

The Official Demisexual Flag!

Demisexuality is defined as "a sexual orientation in which a person does not exhibit sexual attraction for anyone. However, an exception is one where someone has developed a powerful bond with someone. Please note that this bond does not have to be romantic in nature."

The focus of demisexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. Demisexual falls without the "graysexual" community (find the article I wrote on grays here -click-). Graysexuals only have sexual attraction very rarely and/or under very specific circumstances.

Demisexual was originally coined on an internet message board back in 2004. It faded into obscurity until 2008 where members of the asexual community found it and adopted it for themselves. There is a rumor going around the internet that this term originated on AVEN when that is NOT the case. Ever since the word has skyrocketed into popularity and is possibly the most used sexual orientation term within the graysexual community (possibly more popular than "graysexual" itself). The person who originally coined it didn't take it seriously but it is now a well-recognized term within the asexual umbrella. 

The flag colors mean this:  Black stands for asexuality.  Grey represents Gray-Ace and demisexuality.  White represents sexuality.  Purple represents the community. I was unable to find the flag origins (when it was created and by whom). 

People who are demisexual can work in the sex industry (erotic writers, sexologists, erotologists, on the set of porn shoots, escorts, etc.) and it doesn't invalidate their sexuality. Demisexuality is not choosing to be celibate. It is not a conscious choice to choose to be or not to be sexually attracted to someone. 

If you would like to learn more about demisexuality, check out these links!

• Demisexuality Resource Center: http://demisexuality.org/
• AVEN Message Board: https://asexuality.org/en
• Asexual Pride! [Tumblr]: https://queeracepride.tumblr.com/
• Why Demisexual Isn't Just "Being Normal" [Youtube]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkXy8g3fNmQ&t=1s

NuvaRing

The NuvaRing is a useful hormonal based contraception

Disclaimer: While I do work in healthcare and have a minor in biology, I do not have a medical degree. If you feel this type of birth control could be a good option for you, please visit your local OB/GYN. This article is meant solely to be an educational "starting point" for readers. I strongly recommend that you do your own research and discuss any birth control related concerns to your physician. 

"The Ring" (also known as NuvaRing) is a type of hormonal based birth control. It has a 90-99% success rate at preventing pregnancy. The NuvaRing works by bending/twisting the ring against itself (so it looks like a figure-eight) and gently pushing it inside of the vagina. 

The NuvaRing prevents the sperm from touching an egg. The NuvaRing releases estrogen and progesterone into the body. These increased hormones levels in the body signal the brain to stop ovulating as well as thicken the mucus within the cervix to help prevent pregnancy. It is important to remember that NuvaRing does not protect against STDs/STIs.  The NuvaRing puts about 33% of extra hormones into your body. 

As per the manufacturer's website "In a given 4-week cycle, NuvaRing must be inserted into your vagina, removed after 3 weeks, and a new ring must be inserted 7 days later."

The NuvaRing can be worn when you go swimming, bathe, or shower. During sex, many partners report they "might" feel it, but it isn't bothersome. When inserted correctly, the NuvaRing should not cause pain. If there is pain, please report this to your OB/GYN. 

It is important to remember that some people have "smooth sailing" with hormonal based birth control (little to no bad side effects) while others have pure Hell. A person's experience with hormonal based birth control is completely individualistic. 

If you are interested in learning more about the NuvaRing, please speak to your local OB/GYN. Here is the manufacturer's website (https://www.nuvaring.com/)!

The Patch

"The Patch" can be a popular choice of birth control 

Disclaimer: I do work in healthcare and have a graduate degree in public health. However, I do not have a medical degree. This post is to be used solely for educational purposes and as a "starting point". Please do your own research and talk to you OB/GYN if this sounds like a good birth control option for you!

Xulane (otherwise known as "The Patch") is a type of hormonal birth control. Hormonal birth control tends to be less likely to have a person become pregnant (as opposed to non-hormonal birth control). The Patch specifically has about 90-99% chance of not getting someone pregnant (when used correctly). The Patch is used three weeks at a time and then "given a break" for one week (so you use it 3/4 weeks of a given month and then "have a break" for that last month). It is typically placed on the inside of the arm, the back, the side of the leg, abdomen, or buttocks. The Patch is only slightly larger than the American quarter. 

The idea with The Patch is that it's a "skin neutral" color (caucasian "neutral") that can be placed in an area that is unlikely to be seen by the average stranger. It is waterproof, which means it can be worn in the shower, go for a swim, or take a bath. The Patch puts in your body about 60% extra hormones (as compared to say most other hormonal forms of birth control which puts on average about 33% of extra hormones, the mini pill even less!). As per the manufacturing website "Hormones from the patch enter the bloodstream and are processed by the body differently than hormones from birth control pills. You will be exposed to about 60% more estrogen if you use the patch than if you use a typical birth control pill containing 35 micrograms of estrogen. In general, increased estrogen may increase the risk of side effects, including blood clots.". So if your body is sensitive to hormonal changes, this might not be the birth control for you.

It should be noted that everyone will have a vastly different experience with hormonal based birth control. Some people have "smooth sailing" with zero or almost zero problems. Other people have pure Hell, regardless of the hormonal birth control they choose. 

If you are interested in learning more about this type of birth control, please speak to you OB/GYN as well as take a look at the manufactuer's website (https://www.xulane.com/en/use-xulane)!

Vaginal Atrophy

Vaginal Atrophy can cause a lot of distress for individuals

Disclaimer: While I do work in healthcare, have a graduate degree in public health and have worked in the women's center at my undergraduate school, I have not gone to medical school. If you have serious questions/concerns regarding your own vaginal health, please go to your local OB/GYN for their medical advice. This document is being used solely for educational purposes and as a "starting point". This article is not meant to be used to self-diagnosis purposes in any shape or form.

Vaginal atrophy is known as the "thinning" of vaginal tissues. This can be caused by a variety of things such as (but not limited to): menopause, chemotherapy, radiation, giving birth to a child, breastfeeding, traditional cigarette smoking, ovary removal via surgery, douching, and perimenopause. When discussing cancer, unless it is a type of reproductive cancer (clitoral, vulvar, vaginal), rarely is vaginal atrophy mentioned as a side effect. Vaginal atrophy is a potential side effect from chemotherapy and radiation that can last for a very long time post these medical procedures as well (some people have said it's lasted over a year post the end of treatment for chemotherapy and radiation).

Vaginal atrophy normally causes the following signs and symptoms for a person: feeling like one has an "itchy vagina", painful (or impossible) insertion of hygiene products (tampons or diva cups for example), burning sensation while urinating, bleeding and/or discomfort with vaginal intercourse, and decreased lubrication when it comes to masturbation and/or vaginal intercourse. 

There are a variety of lubricants one can use to help this issue (masturbation or intercourse options). Please discuss with your doctor to see what they suggest (given your own life circumstances, what you're allergic to, etc.). Some might even suggest the "mini pill"(a type of birth control that is hormonal) to try to help vaginal atrophy. Please do not feel shame or embarrassment when discussing your vaginal health. Trust me, you aren't the first person to experience vaginal atrophy! 

Numbing cream is not recommended. Why? Pain means something is wrong and no type of masturbation or intercourse is inherently supposed to hurt. 

Autosexuality

Autosexual can be defined as "sexual attraction to one's self". It was first coined by the sex researcher, Bernard Apfelbaum, in 1989.  Some people have described it as "You know that feeling you get when you're sexually attracted to your partner? Well, I feel that whenever I look at myself, not towards other people".

Dr McGowan from University College London explains the orientation as: "Autosexuals are more comfortable sexually when in their own company, while narcissists crave attention. Autosexuality is also not likely to be associated with a lack of empathy or desire to give others pleasure – sexually or otherwise – but rather a preference towards a private and personal sexual experience."

There is a spectrum of autosexuality like many sexual orientations. They can still have sex with other people. Some of them do choose to have romantic partners, while others choose to "marry themselves". Some will have sexual fantasies involving themselves as well.

Autosexuals come from all slices of life and have a wide range of personalities. Are some narcissistic (clinical or laymen's definition)? Yes. However, it is not a requirement to be autosexual. Are some egotistical? Yes, but it is not a requirement to be autosexual.

The maker of the autosexual flag is a user who goes by the name "aturinfortheworse" online. It was created in 2013. When asked about the meanings, they responded with "I think the red is for love/sexual attraction. Grey for some connection to the ace/grey-ace flag because there’s a lot of overlap. I’m really stumped by the pale blue . . . something to do with the pansexual flag, i think? No, right, okay; I’ve got it, I think.  So the main people - as far as I can tell, and by no means am I suggesting this is all - who are autosexual are either Potential Attraction to Literally Anyone (as in pansexual, self inclusive) or are attracted to only themselves and often identify as ace/grey-ace. So the blue is from the pansexual flag and the grey is from the ace flag. With this in mind, I just thought of a simpler flag: grey stripe, red stripe, blue stripe.")

Interesting in learning more about autosexuality? Here's some resources!

• "'I'm autosexual and I fancy myself more than other people'" https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/85b0bae2-b9fb-4358-9519-4d68aafaf49c
• "Age of the autosexual: the people sexually attracted to themselves" https://www.theguardian.com/society/shortcuts/2019/mar/04/age-of-the-autosexual-the-people-sexually-attracted-to-themselves
• "What it's like being autosexual when you're attracted to yourself" https://metro.co.uk/2019/03/02/whats-it-like-being-autosexual-when-youre-attracted-to-yourself-8792806/
• "How to tell if you’re autosexual: When you’re sexually attracted to yourself" https://thetab.com/uk/2019/03/06/what-its-like-being-autosexual-when-youre-attracted-to-yourself-94749

Graysexuality

Graysexual is apart of the asexual community!

Graysexual is apart of the asexual community. Definitions vary from person to person, but a generally accepted definition for graysexual is "Someone who is rarely experiencing sexual attraction and/or under very specific circumstances." Please note that "rarely" can depend on the person (once a week vs once a month vs once a year vs once every few years). Demisexual is perhaps one of the most, if not the most well known graysexual identity.  Graysexual can be used as an umbrella term or individual term. 

The flag was created by a user that goes by the name "Shikku27316". I could not find a year for when the flag was created.  The colors mean, according to Shikku27316 "The purple was asexuality, the white was allosexuality, and the grey was the region of "getting over" asexuality, and then "getting over" allosexuality to be asexual again, but that sounds pretty dumb, plus it's not the only definition of greysexual. So, the colours mean the same, but it's kinda symbolising the two coming together to make the grey area". 

Many graysexuals see themselves as "Not asexual but I do experience sexual attraction (although rarely), but I don't really feel connected to the alloseuxal (not asexual) community because I just don't think/feel/experience things like they do." This is why many asexuals and graysexuals say "asexual spectrum" or "asexual community". Some people feel differently ("There's asexual and then allosexual (non-asexual), that's it").

BDSM Collars

A BDSM collar is very popular within the Dom/sub dynamic

Collaring goes back to the ye-old-days of BDSM. It is the equivalent to a wedding ring in the kink world. For some, though rare, it is just another fashion accessory. For others within the BDSM community, it shows a deep level of commitment. For some dynamics, there is just "the collar". There are not specific "stages" or "levels" of collars. Other dynamics (often considered more "old school") have a very specific process for different types of collars.

1. Collar of Consideration
2. Training Collar
3. Formal Collar

The "collar of consideration" is on-par with a "promise ring". For the BDSM couple, it is to show that you are willing to "test the waters" with this specific relationship. If the partner(s) feel it isn't working out, it can be revoked. Otherwise, the next collar in the process is the "training collar". The training collar is on-par with the "engagement ring". The training collar shows the couple is comfortable with each other and still working out the exact dynamics ad limits of the relationship. The next and final collar in this process is called the "formal collar". This formal collar is on par with the "wedding ring". There is normally a formal ceremony done when giving the submissive this new collar.

When it comes to collaring, many BDSM couples often have a "day collar" (the collar that will be worn in public, often a simple necklace, bracelet, or some other kind of adornment) and "play collar" (this is for more private scenarios and/or when they're around other kinksters).

The "silent rules" of the collar is generally this - if a person has a collar on, it means "hands off". It means other Dominants (regardless of their type - dominatrix, Master, Owner, etc.) can not touch the submissive. Some take it as far as "you must talk to my Dominant before speaking with me or interacting with me". For everyone, every dynamic is different. 

Some other collars include:

• Collar of Protection
• Slave Collar

The collar of protection is typically used in a "protector" dynamic. The "protector" vows to keep their partner safe (online and in-person) from harm in the "real world". The slave collar is normally used with the Master/slave dynamic. It is important to note here that like all of BDSM, the "Master/slave" dynamic is solely fantastical. It is a consensual relationship where the submissive agrees to give the Master all rights and power in the relationship. This kind of dynamic is argued to be the most extreme version of any BDSM relationship. Not many can handle this type of relationship (and that is okay!). It is also important to note that all slaves have the right to happiness, safety, and to walk away from the relationship when they feel that they aren't being respected, being purposely put in harm's way, etc. 

Collars can be made out of many different materials. Each type of collar with the material it is made out of having different pros and cons to them (for example silk looks absolutely beautiful but unfortunately gets ruined quickly if pressed against the skin for too long because of how silk reacts to the sweat that the body naturally does throughout the day). 

Collaring is one of the first things newbies learn about within the BDSM community because it is such a common tradition within the BDSM community. Most BDSM practitioners recommend taking the utmost caution when it comes to giving or receiving collars because of the powerful symbolism that is prescribed to the notion of "collaring someone". 

BDSM Styles of Play

BDSM holds many different styles of play. It isn't just "RACK" or "SSC" (those these two are the most common). Here's a list of known styles of play:

• SCC: "safe sane consensual"
• RACK: "risk aware consensual kink"
• PRICK: "personal responsibility informed consensual kink"
• CCC: "committed compassionate consent"

SCC is perhaps the most popular style of play. It generally stays aware from what we consider inherently much more dangerous styles of play (like breath play and gun play). Many people don't practice "CNC" (consensual non consent as it's commonly called) with SCC. Safe words are clearly established (or the "traffic light" system as many use). Whenever the safe word is used in SSC play styles, the safe word stops the scene immediately. 

RACK is a bit more...risky. It includes more dangerous kinks (dangerous being defined as "one mistake and you're likely sending that person to the hospital, or the grave"). This could include something like practice bondage on your own (doing any kind of bondage on your own is incredibly dangerous due to unexpected health problems that can pop up like strokes, heart attacks, panic attacks, things of this nature). Many people do not feel comfortable preforming RACK at all, or if they do, it's only with partners they have a well established bond with (again, given the inherent risks and dangers). People who have argued against RACK have stated things like "I have often seen people use it to justify abuse".  RACK generally will have a "safe word" but safe words (depending on the exact RACK dynamic agreed upon) generally means for these play partners "ease off" rather than "stop the scene immediately". 

PRICK is similar to RACK, but it puts much more emphasis on individuals than opposed to the play dynamic. People who practice PRICK take it upon themselves that while they engage in riskier forms of play (like using sharp objects around the genitals), they will do their own intense research into the form of play prior to engaging in it. They expect their partner to do the same. It's like a "silent agreement to do research". 

CCC is very similar to RACK, but people who coined this and drifted to the CCC term (as opposed to RACK) felt like the emotional well being was not being taken care of (as well as it should) when play partners were using a RACK play style. CCC is generally seen as an appropriate style of play for partners involved with TPE (total power exchange) relationships. CCC, safewords are not permitted. Hard limits are established, however. 

Angential

The pride flag for angenital - unknown color meanings, flag maker is known online as uchuulien

Angenital can be defined as someone who "feels uncomfortable (potentially dysphoric) about having any kind of genitalia". People who are angenital do not mind having gendered pronouns (she/her/hers or he/his/him for example). People who are angenital don't mind having a gender identity that is relating to the feminine spectrum (such as demigirl) or masculine spectrum (such as libramasculine). Angenital has been known to be shortened to "ANG". 

The name of the surgery to "be rid of one's own genitals" is called "gender nullification". Those who have had often report difficulty with urination post-surgery ("holding it in" as well as being more prone to infections). Different surgeons remove different amounts of body parts (depending on the specific client's wishes as well as laws regarding this type of severe body modification). Often times post surgery clients have to take some kind of supplemental hormone. 

Through the research that I did, it is not clear if this type of surgery is still considered legal in the USA (I found conflicting articles about this). Some people who have gone through with this surgery have stated that they reached out to surgeons who had experience with transgender individuals who wanted to change their genitalia. 

In regards to Facebook groups, there is not a lot out there. On Fetlife, there is one gender nullification group. 

The reason why people do this extreme body modification is generally given as "I never felt comfortable with me body in that area - I just want it gone." 

Bisexuality

The official bisexual flag. The flag was created in 1998!

Ah, bisexuality. There are are few definitions floating around the internet for bisexuality. Here are a few:

• anyone who is attracted romantically and/or sexually to more than one gender (https://biresource.org)
•  physical attraction, romantic attraction, or sexual behavior that is not limited to one sex.  (www.bi.org)
• characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to both men and women (Merriam-Webster)

It is a type of multisexual attraction (meaning sexually attracted to more than one identity). The exact difference between "bisexual vs polysexual vs pansexual/omnisexual" varies wildly from person to person. Linguistically, bisexual can be broken down to "two + sexual". HOWEVER, there are many ways to interpret this "two" ("my gender and others" is a commonly used example of this, which by its very nature includes a multitude of gender identities and/or sexes).

The bisexual flag was crafted in 1998. The flag was created by a team that was led by Michael Page. The color meanings (from viewer top to bottom, according to Page themselves): the pink references same-sex attraction, the purple references sexual attraction to both sexes and blue references sexual attraction to the opposite sex.  

The bisexuality community is vast. Many LGBTQIA members are advocated for unity between the multisexual communities (pansexual/omnisexual, polysexual, bisexual, etc.) because (as they put it) "senseless fighting only harms our community" (referencing the LGBTQIA community). 

Heteroflexible (elasexual) and homoflexible (anisosexual) depends on the individual for if they're seen as a sub-community of the bisexual community or separate identities altogether. The argument for them not being "biphobic" is (in their words) "I don't have anything against the bisexual community or bisexual people, I just don't feel comfortable associating with the term". This often comes from a history of bad experience with the community online or personal bad experience. 

Regardless of what multisexual identity a person chooses to use, it often comes down to personal preference. These are identities are not inherently harmful to one another.