Exploring Sexual Attraction

When people say "sexual attraction", the average Jane/Joe/Morgan doesn't tend to question it. However, for people questioning their sexual orientation, it can be a monumental undertaking. Our sexual orientation is an extremely important part of our identity. There's entire communities, symbols, and the like dedicated to celebrating this part of our identity. As someone who took honestly over a decade to figure out what exact community I comfortably fit in with (in regards to sexual orientation), I thought this blog post might provide some insight.

There is a lot of variation for definitions when it comes to "sexual attraction". A ton. No two sites can agree on an "exact" definition (which might be the reason why so many people across all age ranges struggle with finding a "hey, that's me!" type identity that really resonates with them).

Here's some definitions for "sexual attraction" found across different websites and books:

• Sexual attraction is an emotional response sexual people feel where they find someone sexually appealing, and often results in a desire for sexual contact with the person (AVEN)
• Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest (Wikipedia)
• Sexual attraction involves the desire for a sexual relationship or sexual contact with someone (UNC LGBT Center)
• Sexual attraction is synonymous with “sex appeal": having the capacity to arouse sexual interest and desire. (The Complete Dictionary of Sexology)
• Sexual attraction is sex or sex-like acts that a person finds alluring, desirable, or attractive, where they can see themselves enjoying said acts when applying the concepts to themselves (a dictionary definition of "sexual attraction")

While all these definitions are similar, there isn't really a hard "concrete" definition. This is why the LGBTQIA community honestly can not agree to one solid definition on what "sexual attraction" really is (and why so many people either "jump around" different identity terms, constantly question themselves, among other things). 

For people who are very "logic orientated" or want something from an "official source" to really understand sexual attraction, this can be very frustrating. For people who experience neurodivergency (mental health, neurological condition, been through trauma, among other things), this can be very frustrating. Human sexuality, is an inherently very complex subject. People try to grossly oversimplify it, and the community as a whole hurts because of it. 

We also have the subject of "Split-attraction theory" where one's sexual orientation is completely different from their romantic orientation (such as an asexual biromantic or pansexual aromantic to give two examples). It would be impossible to list every single LGBTQIA term out there or possible combination because our language in regards to the LGBTQIA sphere is constantly in-flux. 

If a person changes their sexual orientation label because they find a more-fitting term, that is fine. If a person feels more comfortable with a macrolabel (pansexual, bisexual, asexual, etc.), that is fine. If a person feels more comfortable with a microlabel (cupiosexual, demisexual, etc.), that is fine. It is okay to explore one's sexual attraction. It is okay to question one's sexual orietation. What is not okay is passing judgement on someone.