Update

With the new year rolling in, it does look like I will no longer have to worry about my medical crisis, which is a relief off my shoulders. Also, in the process of changing jobs, so while I won't be having as long shifts as I was doing, I am not 100% sure of my schedule at the time. I will definitely be making a point of posting at least once a week, starting in January 2020.

Thank you all my readers who have stuck with me so far :) With the new year right around the corner I did decide to give this blog a new theme!

Multisexuality

The official PRIDE flag for the multisexual community!

The multisexual community is for any sexual orientation where the person exhibits sexual attraction to more than one sex or gender (so 2+). It can be used as a singular attraction term (as in "I am multisexual") or as an umbrella term (so the sub-sections of this community could be bisexual, pansexual/omnisexual, and polysexual to give a few examples).

Some people who identify as multisexual have said they identify as such because (in their own words, paraphrased), “different things affect my attraction towards different sexes and genders, so instead of trying to vocalize all these factors and make a complicated definition, I’m just using multisexual as opposed to bisexual or polysexual”. Some people may use it as a way of staying vague with who exactly they are attracted to (and/or not). Some people might not want to vocalize their 'real' sexual orientation term for whatever reason within the multisexual community, so they prefer to say 'multisexual'. 

Google trends claim that people have been trying to look up more information about this term on Google since at least November 2005. However, it does not clarify the context (relating to the LGBTQIA community or another subject). The official flag was chosen in February 2019. The flag colors are as followed:

• Purple: peace
• White: unity
• Light blue: freedom
• Pink/Magenta: compassion and love

Puppy Play 101

A puppy play girl in a pup hood, with a black collar

Puppy play is a type of BDSM roleplay. It involves men, women, everyone who wants to pretend to be a pup (often taking on the "submissive" role) while their handler (often the "Dominant" in this scenario) will engage with them (sexual or non-sexual interactions). It is a very popular type of pet play within the BDSM community. There are numerous boy human pups, but many prominent women and non-binary pups are starting to make a name for themselves in the scene as well (Tumblr and Twitter are popular hang out spots for them as well as Fetlife).

Pup play can or can not involve costuming, like getting a "hood" (the mask that's shaped like a dog's face). Prices range from $175-500+, depending on the material and how elaborate the hood is. Some pups opt in for some kind of full body suit (often latex or spandex type materials). Some will attach a tail (often via butt plug or a clip-on tail). Knee and elbow pads are very popular and strongly recommended since it helps keep the pup's knees and elbows padded (the body will start to ache if you're on your hands and knees all day, regardless of how much you move around or adjust your weight). 

Recent studies show that the biggest reason that people choose to partake in puppy play (as opposed to something like the kitten play or pony play community within the pet play community) is to have a form of escapism from the real world. Very few puppy players do it for humiliation purposes like a common misconception is from the vanilla (non-kink) and/or BDSM community in general (since there's numerous misconceptions involving the puppy play, in and out of the BDSM community).

Human pups are strongly discouraged from consuming dog food (or any other kind of food marketed towards biological pets like dogs, cats, chickens, horses, whatever the item is) as their sole food/intake source of calories because these kinds of food bags are not meant for human consumption. They are not built for human nutrition. There's numerous human food look-alikes that human pups can eat (like cooked chicken, oatmeal, among other things). 

Fox play is a popular sub-community of puppy players. As the name suggests, it focuses on the pet player taking on the persona of a fox. More about that in a different article, since this article's primary focus is to give people a basic understanding of the puppy play community. 

There are many BDSM, leather, and spandex pride events all over the USA that happily welcome puppy play players. Some conventions are specific to puppy play. There are a few flags for the puppy play community as well! 

Male Chastity

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Caligosexual

Caligosexual Pride Flag

Caligosexual is a term within the asexual umbrella. It means "a sexual attraction defined as feeling sexual attraction that is very weak or vague, almost nonexistent, like a vapor, fog, or mist." Some people describe it as "I'm basically in the between of greysexual and asexual because my attraction is so rare and/or weak I don't even consider myself apart of the greysexual community." The term was coined in July 2016 by a user named "terribledacty".

The original pride flag was the flag shown above, but with a triangle in the center, and the triangle was made up of the original asexual flag design's colors (so the asexual flag, but in the shape of a triangle, in the middle of the caligosexual flag). Some people complained that, that kind of design would be difficult to make PRIDE related merchandise (pillows, digital art, real life flags, etc.) so the above flag (the various shades of purple without the triangle on it, as shown above) was proposed as an alternative. 

Since this was coined in July 2016, this term is relatively new in the grand scheme of things, but some people are starting to identify as it because many people find it reltable. The flag shown above (the various shades of purple) was created by the blog dgs-haven. 

Nexplanon

Nexplanon is the "new version" of the implanon (the device itself is sometimes called "the implant"). It is a small device that is inserted right under the skin. It leaves a very tiny scar (no bigger than the tip of the finger if the person who inserted it did a good job). A person must periodically check to make sure the implant is in place. It must be changed once every 3 years to get the full effect from it. It has about 1/5000 chance of someone becoming pregnant when it's properly inserted. It is a device that gradually releases hormones, effectively tricking the body into thinking it's pregnant based on hormones alone.

Statistically speaking, it's just about on par with getting one's tubes tied. It is slightly more effective than an IUD (they run at about 1/3500 chance of becoming pregnant in a given year). That might not seem like much of a different in the great scheme of things but for people who are sticklers about statistics, that could mean the difference between getting one or the other. The copper IUD does not have hormones while the other category of IUDs does release hormones gradually into the body. Both the implant and IUDs release about 35% of extra hormones in your body (compared to the patch which puts about 65% of extra hormones in your body).

Since the Nexplanon is hormonal based, everyone's body will react differently to it. Some people have a brutal hell with it. Others experience little to no side effects. Sometimes it can take the body about 6-15 months post initial insertion for the body to get used to the hormones (it took my own body about 1 year, 12 months, to get used to the Nexplanon).

When it comes to cancer risk, the American Cancer Society recommends that people considering hormonal based birth control to please discuss it with their doctor. Many factors contribute to the chances of having cancer in one's lifetime.

The cost of the Nexplanon typically runs $1500-2500+, but the Affordable Care Act made it so that clinics must offer the Nexplanon free or very cheaply.

Kitten Play 101

A person holding a collar with a tag on it that says "KITTEN" in all caps

Kitten play is a type of pet play found in the BDSM community. It involves one or multiple partners taking on the persona of a cat. Some do it for humiliation purposes, but this is the vast minority of the kitten play players. Many do it as a temporary form of escapism from everyday life, or just do it for fun.

Let's start off with what kitten play is not:

• Inherently "furries" (people who dress in fursuits)
• Inherently "otherkin" (people who believe their soul is not an animal is one of the many possible definitions for otherkin)
• Inherently sexual (the outfits might be "sexy" or "sensually appealing", but it could be viewed as just an art form as well)
• Zoophiliac (fetish for animals)
• Beastiality (sexual act with animals)

Kitten play is predominantly dominated by women or feminine-spectrum based individuals (such as nonbinaries who feel a strong connection to femininity). However, boy kittens and nonbinary kittens definetly exist! 

A good motto with kitten play is "cats come when they feel like it, not when they're told." For this reason, many (but not all) kitten players have a tendency to be a bit "bratty" (playfully push the buttons of their Dominants). Kitten players tend to be extremely playful while "in character", often doing things that "real" pet cats often do (play with laser beams, playfully paw at someone or something, randomly get bursts of energy, lounge about the home, among other things).

From a nutritional point of view, it is important for kitten players to not eat food intended solely for cats. This could be potentially disasterous for the kitten player since they would eventually become nutrient deficient, which could lead to a host of problems with their body. 

Problematic Sapiosexual

A sapiosexual pride flag, designed by a person named "Clara-the-humann"

The term "sapiosexual" has been floating around the internet for a few years and is starting to become popular in different circles. For those unaware, it means "sexual attraction to intelligence". Google claims the term originated sometime in the early-mid 2000s, but there is no exact date that can be found. It breaks down to "wise + sexual".  

However, many people have spoken up about the problematic nature of "sapiosexual". For starters, how does one classify "intelligence"? Is it just a high IQ score? Is it just someone whose intelluctual interests are the same as yours? "Intelligence" has multiple different meanings as well ("book smart" vs emotional intelligence vs "street smart" etc.). Perhaps the most controversial aspect of it is that some people claim that "sexual attraction to intelligence" automatically excludes those who have some type of learning disability (or something similar). Anecdotal remarks have also said that Anytime I see the word 'sapiosexual' it's code word for "pseudo intellectual bullshit" where they just want to circle jerk their own ego and pretenciousness." 

Some critics have said that "sapiophilia would be a more appropriate term" because the -philia term denotes "strong interest" rather than "sexual attraction". Others have said the term "noetisexual" is a more appropriate alternative term. "Noetisexual" means someone who is "sexually attracted to how a person's mind works" rather than 'intelligence' in of itself. 

Cupiosexuality

Cupiosexuality is apart of the asexual community. It means "a person who does not exhibit sexual attraction towards anyone under any circumstances, but is willing to engage in sex or sex like activities with others and/or have sexual relationships with someone. "Now a person might ask "wait, don't you need sexual attraction to have sex with someone?" The simple answer is no. A person can decide to have sex with anyone for any reason, regardless if sexual attraction is there or not.

One way I have heard it described as "Imagine that you feel neutral about a certain food - let us say cake for the sake of an easy example. Now, let's say you are hungry and you open the fridge and see a piece of cake. There is no other food in the fridge. You eat the piece of cake because you're hungry, but you feel indifferent about the piece of cake (it is not your favorite food but at the same time you don't not like it)."

Google Trends marks cupiosexual "appearing" on the internet sometime in January 2014, however it is very possible the term and flag created for it have been around longer. Originally, it was named "Kalosexual", but the community decided to change it to "cupiosexual" because of harassement from people.

The cupiosexual official flag

Acelyssie is the person who seems to have coined the term (on their own blog), but I am unable to confirm this information. While searching the internet, I was unable to find the origin of the flag (as in who created it) and I could not find an explanation for the color meanings. 

Drag Kings

Spikey Van Dykey, pictured above, is one of the most famous drag kings known

The world is pretty familiar with the concept of "Drag Queens", preformance artists who dress in typically traditional "feminine" clothing as a means to make some kind of statement (whether it's for comedic purposes, to attack the patriarchy, or any other reason under the sun), the world is not nearly as familiar with the world of Drag Kings. 

Drag Kings are preformance artists who do what Queens do, but flip it (where the artist will dress in typically traditional "masculine" clothing as a means to make some kind of statement). Similar to Queens, the Kings must also undergo heavy makeup to create the illusion of the character that they are portraying on stage. Just like Drag Queens, Kings also dance and lip sync to songs or preform their own routines (like stand up comedy).

Drag Kings are taking the world by storm. They are starting to become more well known in LGBT clubs as well as show up in "LGBT talent shows" (or drag shows in general). Just like Drag Queens, the Kings come in all shapes, sizes, attires, and colors. The only limit is your imagination, as cheesy as that sounds. 

Dani Boi, another drag king

Queer Theory 101

I can not cover every topic covered in "queer theory", that would be impossible. This post is meant to serve as a basic introduction to it and give the readers a basic understanding of it.

Queer theory is made up of philosophies and different belief systems for describing the "queer experience" as a member of the LGBTQIA movement. The idea of queer theory has been around for many years but didn't really get serious attention from professionals and/or the academic community until the 1990s.

Wikipedia describes queer theory as: "queer theory expands its focus to encompass any kind of sexual activity or identity that falls into normative and deviant categories". In plain English, this means it covers just about anything that isn't considered "monogamous, straight, cisgender people."

Queer theory is absolutely vital to gain a deeper understanding of the contemporary LGBTQIA community. It gives people an insight on how our views have changed throughout the years as well as give an idea of how certain belief systems came about. Some concepts discussed within queer theory (but it's certainly not limited to these subjects) are: drag culture, asexuality, how feminism interacts with the LGBT community, the intersex community, polyamorous individuals, and how the kink community interacts with the LGBT community (such as fetish balls and BDSM participation in lgbt night clubs).

Unfortunately a lot of the younger generations of LGBTQIA individuals never bother to look at LGBT history and/or queer theory, and it shows. Terms that were coined in say the 1990s (like the term pomosexual) get forgotten, become rediscovered in recent years and people suddenly accuse it of "being a special Tumblr word" when in reality the word has been around much longer than Tumblr. It's frustrating and aggravating to see these patterns with so many ideas, philosophies, and different philosophies within the LGBT community.

Fish Play/Mermaid Play

Permaid is the model in a gimp suit in the shape of a mermaid

Disclaimer: fish play and mermaid play are potentially very dangerous forms of BDSM, this guide is meant to be used solely as an educational resource, I am not responsible for how you play, I am not responsible for what happens to you in the real world, please do as much research as you can prior to engaging in this kind of play, get the proper health certifications (such as CPR), and never be afraid to dial your emergency hotline (like 9-1-1) if any emergency or medical situation pops up

Fish play is a type of pet play in the BDSM community. It deals with a person taking on the persona of a fish. It is arguably one of the more dangerous forms of pet play, since one of the fish player is typically (at least partially) submerged in water (or completely submerged in water). The fish player will eat food that typically resembles some kind of fish food, but is completely safe for human consumption (they do not actually eat food made for fish-pets). An alternative form of fish play is known as "mermaid play", where one person takes on the persona of a mermaid. They can wear a complete gimp suit (as Permaid is featured above), or can take on a more "traditional" mermaid outfit.

If a person is interested in mermaid play or fish play, it is absolutely that vital they feel comfortable in and around water. It is vital that they are a strong swimmer underwater. It is not recommended to have the arms and/or hands bound behind the person's back when in the water. Lets can be bound (like a traditional "mermaid") but it is strongly recommended to have some kind of fin (such as a monofin, normally about $40+) to give them an easier time swimming in the water. Do not swim in water where there is a current. The water must be appropriately warm as well. There are plenty of risks in swimming too hot or too cold water. 

The Dominant of a fish play relationship could have a variety of potential titles, but one of the more popular ones is "angler". They will tend to their fish player, making sure that they are well fed, and can teach their fish player tricks in or right above the water. If the fish player submerges themselves into the water (fully or partly), it is strongly recommended to not play alone and to have them under close supervision (one never knows when a panic attack or similar could occur). If any type of binding occurs, it is strongly recommended to have a quick release knot (where the person can easily and quickly get themselves out of said binding). If the legs are bound by fabric, it is recommended to practice in shallow water to learn how to quickly get out of said fabric. 

If a person is interested in buying a professional mermaid tail, please be aware that these tails are very expensive. The low tier tails tend to run between $150-400. Mid-tier tails tend to run between $500-800. Top tier (professional) tails tend to run around $1000+. DO NOT buy from "second hand" shops or websites (EBay, Etsy, Amazon, etc.). It is STRONGLY recommended to only buy from proper tail tailors (like MerBella, FinFolk, or MerTailor). 

Fish play (as well as mermaid play) is certainly a more unique form of pet play and is not well discussed. This document is meant to serve solely as an educational guide for those brand new to fish play or mermaid play. 

Alternatives to LGBTQIA

There have been numerous alternatives to the ever-changing anacronym LGBT. The longest string of letters in existence (at least to my knowledge) is: LGBTQQIA(A)P. This stands for:

• Lesbian
• Gay
• Bisexual
• Transgender
• Queer
• Questioning
• Intersex
• Asexual
• (Ally)*
• Pansexual/omnisexual

Please note for "Ally", it's in paranthesis for a reason because it's considered controversial. Queer theory has long established this string as one of the longest (if not the longest) string of letters to the LGBT shorthand. 

There have been numerous alternatives proposed over the years. They all vary in popularity. Some of these include: SAGA (sexuality and gender acceptance), MOGAI (Marginalized Orientations, Gender identities), GSM (gender sexuality minority), DGS (diverse gender sexualities), GSD (gender and sexual diversity), and GLOW (gay, lesbian, or whatever).

All of these terms have various origin stories (mostly stemming from some kind of social media usage like Tumblr or Reddit) and different flags to represent them. Some include the idea of fetishists and BDSM practioners, others do not. Some have gotten controversy over the years due to the misbelief that some of them are open to people or objects that can not consent. 

It is ultimately up to the individual to decide what term they feel most comfortable with attempting to describe the complex experience that is human sexuality. 

Fraysexuality

In honor of PRIDE month (June) I'll be touching on some not as well known sexual orientations. I actually got requested to write about this one from a reader, so a shout out to that anonymous reader!

Fraysexuality is in a sense the polar opposite of "demisexuality". It is a sexual orientation found under the asexual umbrella. It means someone who regularly experiences sexual attraction (of varying degrees) to strangers or almost complete strangers (not nessascarily every single stranger they come across but a large chunk of them). However, once they start to get to know the person and the relationship naturally progresses to a title beyond stranger (such as becoming friends with the person), the person regularly experiences loss of sexual attraction. In simple English: they are sexually attracted to strangers or almost complete strangers but once they start to form a bond with said strangers, they no longer feel sexual attraction.

Google Trends shows the term popping up on Google since at least April 2015. However, it is possible the term was coined long before that. It is often difficult to find the exact origins of these newer sexual orientation labels. It is unknown where or who exactly coined "fraysexuality" (Reddit, Tumblr, Facebook, AVEN, somewhere else).

The fraysexual official flag

The flag originated off of Tumblr (the Tumblr is no longer online). However, the flag color meanings mean this: the blue and cyan color represent strangers or less-than-familiar relationships with people. The white is the lack of attraction. The grey/gray (whatever your choice for spelling for this word) represents the confusion that fraysexuals often feel when dealing with relationships. 

Pomosexuality

Pomosexual breaks down into "post modern sexual". It was a term coined in October 1997 by the book "PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality" by Carol Queen, Lawrence Schimel, and Kate Bornstein. The book has not aged well in regards to terminology used in the book, but it is an excellent edition to "queer theory" in general. The term "pomosexual" is only recently (within the past five years or so) started to become popular in LGBTQIA circles.

Pomosexual has been used in a variety of ways over the years:

• "Screw labels" for lack of a better phrase
• Some people see pomosexual as the "in between" label between all sexual orientation labels (regardless of said orientation labels)
• "The queer's queer" according to the Pomosexual book by Queen, and Schiemel (since Bornstein only wrote the preface of the book)
• It has been used to say "I don't feel there is currently a term to accurately capture the scope of my sexual identity, but I feel there will be one in the future when I feel we have a more complex understanding of human sexuality"
• A person may choose to identify as "pomosexual" because they feel terms like "heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual" may cater towards cisgender individuals and not transgender or intersex individuals

The book, itself is mostly made up of different stories from real people that explore their complex sexual identities (one story involved a man who liked to pose as a woman dominatrix online to humiliate clients who were men, but the person vehemently denied wanting to do any sexual activities with men in the real world). 

The pomosexual official flag, the flag was deemed the official flag in 2017

Unfortunately pomosexuality is a term that the internet often tries to oversimplify, which is one of the worst mistakes one can make when exploring and analyzing human sexuality. It is so much more than just "I am rejecting conventional labels". One metaphor that is great for explaining pomosexuality is: "Imagine a giant box labeled "LGBT". Now, in that box is a bunch of smaller boxes. Each of those smaller boxes is labeled with their own sexual orientation labels ("bisexual", "asexual", "pansexual", "polysexual", etc.). No matter how tightly you pack those boxes together, there is still some space between the boxes, even if it's a miniscule amount. That is pomosexuality."

Pansexuality

Pansexual breaks down to meaning "all + sexual". "Pan" is Greek for "all". Linguistically, it means "sexual attraction to all genders and sexes". Pansexuality was coined in the early-to-mid 1900s, but it was not until recently (mid-late 2000s) where it really started to become popular within the LGBTQIA community.

Let's clear up some mis-conceptions:

• Pansexuals don't want to have sex with everyone in site
• Pansexuals can have preferences
• Pansexuals can date someone that is a different sex from them (doesn't suddenly make them straight)
• Pansexuals can date someone that is the same sex as them (doesn't suddenly make them gay)
• Pansexuals are not attracted to kitchen supplies
• Pansexuals can be polyamorous or monoamorous
• Pansexuals do have standards when it comes to dating, sexual relationships, or any kind of relationship
• Pansexuality is different from bisexuality

"Omnisexual" and "Pansexual" both break down to "all + sexual". Omni is Latin for "all". The only difference (at least, linguistically speaking) between "omnisexual" and "pansexual" is the fact that "Pan" is Greek and "Omni" is Latin. Some people will argue that omnisexual includes say inanimate objects or aliens, but attraction to inanimate objects or aliens have their own terms (and are their own preferences). Attraction to robots or androids also has its own terminology.  Many people hold the stance "arguing omnisexual and pansexual are different is as silly as saying that the term "rojo" is somehow different from the color "red", when "rojo" just means "red" in Spainish".

The exact difference between "pansexual" and "bisexual" tends to come down to individual preference. From a purely linguistic point of view, "bisexual" means "two + sexual" HOWEVER, there are NUMEROUS ways to interpret "Two". Some examples include: "my gender and other genders" / "my gender and genderfluid" / "agender and non-binary" / etc. Pansexual, however, is not "biphobic" and bisexual is not "panphobic".

The pansexual flag was created around 2010. The pink is for "femininity". The yellow is for "non-binary". The blue is for "masculinity".  

There are a few "pansexual pride" type message boards floating around the internet (mostly on Proboards), but many of the boards have been inactive for a very long time (one of the largest message boards for pansexuality has been inactive since 2016). However, there are numerous pansexual pride related Facebook Groups, Facebook Pages, Aminos, among other social media areas. 

Asexuality

This post is meant to serve as a general introduction to the asexual community and the umbrella that it has. Asexuality, in its simplest terms, means someone who does not have sexual attraction. Unfortunately, there's about a hundred variations of what "sexual attraction" actually means, so depending on your source will depend on the exact definition for what exactly "sexual attraction" is. People who are "anti-asexual" are often labeled "aphobic" by the asexual and asexual spectrum. It's important to keep in mind that in this context, the suffix "-phobia" can mean "fear, extreme repulsion".

Asexuality has a resource website known as "AVEN" (asexual visibility education network). It's website is: asexuality.org. It's forum/message board is "asexuality.org/en". There are numerous blogging platforms (Blogger, Tumblr, among others) dedicated to asexuality or some part of the asexual community.

First, let's clear up some mis-conceptions:

• Asexuals aren't all sex repulsed
• Asexuals can enjoy sex (they just aren't sexually attracted to the person they have sex with)
• Asexuals can go into sex-related professions (exotic dancing, sex therapy, adult industry consultant, behind the scenes on pornography sets, etc.)
• Asexuals can enjoy kink, fetishes, and/or BDSM activities
• Not all asexuals went through trauma in their life
• Not all asexuals have some kind of mental illness
• Not all asexuals are hyposexuals or hypersexuals (going by the clinical diagnosis for these two terms)
• Not all asexuals are virgins
• Not all asexuals are prudes
• Asexuals can be romantically attracted to others, they just aren't sexually attracted to others
• Asexuals can have healthy relationships of all kinds

This doesn't cover all mis-conceptions, but it covers many common ones. Unfortunately there's many tales of aphobia that can be found across the web, including but not limited to:

• Sexual coercion and sexual assault (from romantic partners and others)
• Constant teasing from peers (work, school, etc.)
• People constantly trying to tell asexuals that it isn't "natural" or "beneficial" (when this is completely false)
• Threats of violence, stalking, suicide baiting, and death threats just for being asexual
• There’s a large group of sex professions (sex therapists, sex educators, etc.) who don’t believe asexuality is a “legitimate orientation” and thus discriminate against clients

A common symbol for asexuals is to wear a black ring on the middle finger. June 2010, the official flag for asexuality was born. 

The colors mean (in order): black is for asexuality, grey is for greysexuals and demisexuals, white is for allosexuals (those who aren't in the asexual spectrum), and purple is for the overal community. 

The two most popular sub-communities of asexuality are greysexual (those who rarely experience sexual attraction and/or under very specific circumstances), and demisexuals (those who never experience sexual attraction, ever, unless they have developed a powerful bond with someone or a group of people, outside this person or group, they do not have sexual attraction for anyone). There are countless other terms within the asexual community, but since this is only a beginner's guide post to asexuality, I will not go into them. 

Teenagers don't belong in BDSM

You'd think a title to this blog post would be obvious, but sadly the BDSM community (at least online) is going through an epidemic. Minors (in particular teens and in some cases, pre-teens) are trying to force their way into the community, most of them taking on the title "underage little". Which is problematic for a multitude of reasons.

First, let's get into the law problems. There is the "Miller's Test", which was established during the 1970s. This test gives the courts guildlines for what is deemed as "obscene" material. Since just about everything in the BDSM community fits these guildlines, there is law problems with that. There is also the problem of potentially risque photos being seen as "child pornography". The exact definition of "child pornography" varies from area to area. Minors have gotten in trouble with the law for distributing what the law deemed as "child pornography" (posession, distribution, etc.). This can make someone register as a sex offender (which makes it incredibly difficult to obtain housing, secure employement, among other problems).

Let's be real: there are bad people in the BDSM community (as well as the vanilla/non-BDSM community). There are child molestors in the BDSM community. There are pedophiles in the BDSM community. There are human traffickers in the BDSM community. Advertising yourself as an "underage little" or explicitly stating your age in your profile, you might as well be hanging a neon sign above your head. Yes, the BDSM community tries to bar out these horrible human beings who would take advantage of these children, but it is impossible to catch every single bad person.

Thankfully, there are precautions taken when exploring BDSM in groups in person. Many clubs and gatherings in person require participants to show the group their ID (passport, driver's license, etc.) to show proof of their age. Many of these groups and gatherings require members to be twenty-one (21) years old or older to participate. This way, there is no risk of children being involved.

BDSM goes by age of majority, not age of consent. The age of majority is when someone is officially deemed "an adult" in the eyes of the law. In most places around the world, the minimum age for this is eighteen (18). In the United States, the minimum is eighteen, but some states have it as high as twenty-one. The age of consent is only the age when you can legally say "yes" to sex or sex-like activities (again, depends on the exact wording of the law).

BDSM is not inherently a sexual experience (at least by traditional definitions, if one considers sexuality only some type of penetration and/or activities resulting in an orgasm). However, many adults in general just do not feel comfortable interacting with minors. Many people discover the fact that they have some kind of kink or fetish at a young age, and this is fine. However, it is not safe to openly advertise you are interested in BDSM at such a young age.

Once these minors are of the age of majority, the adults will welcome them with open arms and be happy to educate them. However, when they are a teenager (or god forbid, younger)? It is not safe from any angle for said minor to be involved with BDSM. It is not safe for the adults. It is not safe for the children.

Pony Play

Pony play is a subsection of pet play in the BDSM community. It involves a person taking on the persona of a pony or horse (yes, there is a difference) and their partner acting as their play partner (another pony, their Dominant, among other things). Pony play has been featured a few times in contemporary multimedia, but the most well known instance of this happening is in the show My Strange Addictions.

First, let's lay out what pony play is not. Pony play is not beastiality. Pony play is not inherently sexual. Pony play is not inherently humiliative. It is just another form of roleplaying. Not all ponies are women. Not all ponies are men. Pony players vary greatly across all forms of race, sex, gender identity, and any other identifying feature.

Pony play can be done for a wide array of reasons. Many studies in relationship to pet play often state that those who participate as a pet within the community do so because it's a form of escapism from whatever trouble is happening in the person's life. Some do it just to have fun. Some do it because they feel it's just a "natural" extension of themselves. A big survey done on a large fetish social media website stated that many players got into pony play initially because they had a love for horses and ponies in the real world.

A pony girl and her mistress

Pony play is arguably the most expensive form of pet play. While other pet play gear (like puppy play masks or hoods) often range between $300-500, pony play can easily get into the $1000+ range. I once saw a beautiful leather pony mask (often called a "hood" in the pet play community) that was $1200 (it was genuine leather and beautifully made). Like any form of roleplaying, gear is optional, but many players enjoy the gear to help them "get into the right mindset".  Pony players will often want to buy: the hood, a modified horse harness or bridle (it is relatively easy to modify a horse bridle or harness for the purposes of your human pony), a saddle (made for a human, a saddle made for an actual horse can easily hurt your human pony), a tail of some sorts (either a clip on or butt plug), and/or hoof boots (shoes in the shape of hooves and/or high heel shoes that don't have a heel on them).

A beautifully made pony play hood by Bob Basset

Pony play has a wide array of potential activities. There are cart ponies that pull carts with their partner's often sitting in the cart and driving them. There are dressage ponies that compete in what can effectively be described as fancy footwork competitions. There are jumper ponies that are often athletically inclined and go through a jumping obstacle course in their full pony gear. One large competitive pony play show is EQUUS International Pony Play Event. Pony players come from all over to compete in different events related to pony play. Every pony has different reasons for being attracted to different forms of competition. For example, a pony player that is interested in dressage as opposed to say carting might do so because of their own body's physical limitations (you need to be very physically fit to pull carts).


A pony player slips on wet grass before attempting to jump the jump

Pony players need to eat regular human diets. It is not recommended to put them on a "horse diet" because horse feed is made for a horse's nutritional needs (not a human's). Some pony players have created their own stall or small outside enclosure for when they want to "be" a pony.

This article is meant to serve as a general introduction to pony play. It by no means covers all information involved with being a pony, but I hope this helps breaks down any stereotypes involving pony play, as well as help educate the general public about it.

Image credit links:

• http://tinyur.com/y6z5k8gw 
• http:// tinyurl.com/ydhdk9g 
• Pinterest.com

Let's Talk Butts

Anal play (also know as butt play) is any kink or fetish involving the butt. There is a lot of things to do with this part of the human body, but a lot of people are afraid to talk about it because it is considered taboo. To give my followers a background, I've been participating on and off in the kink community for about six years at this point, am fascinated by human anatomy and physiology and have worked in healthcare for about ten months. This blog post is to help set the record straight when it comes to butt play.

For starters, let's understand the basic anatomy of the area. There is no "secret gland" that produces lube for the butt. The vagina is self-lubricating. The butt, is not. For this reason, you needs lots and lots of lube whenever doing anything with the butt. Never use anything numbing. Also, the rectum (the area on the inside of your butt between the opening and your intestines) is around 10-15 cm long (about 4-6 inches). This means, you can safely insert anything that long into the rectum. However, do not start with something 6 inches (15 cm) long. Start slow and small, like a fingertip or q-tip and gradually work your way up. DO NOT be trying to replicate the things you see in pornos because you WILL hurt yourself. Fun fact: things getting stuck in the rectum and/or "lost" in the rectum is a big reason why patients come to the hospital. It is a lot more common than one would wish to think about. Some gentle stretching can happen without damaging the rectum and/or intestines, but it is really not recommended to over-do it. Personally, I would only recommend about 8 inches tops (20 cm roughly). Anything beyond that you risk damaging and/or going into the intestines. The insides of the bum are actually pretty delicate. It is easy to accidentally hurt yourself.

People always ask "is there a way to avoid feces/poop during butt play?" and the answer is no, there is not. It is just an inherent risk. Do not starve yourself if you want to do things with the butt. Food takes on average 5-9 hours to work its way through the human body. Also, do not use an enema, unless you have had medical training. Long story short, there is a large variety of potential risks associated with using enemas if you have not been trained properly to use them. Before doing anything with the butt, just relieve yourself in the restroom like normal and use lukewarm-warm water.

Do not stick anything up your butt that is not meant to be used for sexual play (in regards to anal play). This includes but is not limited to: food, flashlight, drink containers, jars, keys, weapons, lightbulbs, phones, among other things. Yes, it might seem tempting and/or a curiosity, but as stated earlier, the bum is actually pretty delicate in regards to its inside tissues (meaning it's easy to accidentally cut yourself on the inside) and/or things might get stuck there.

When it comes to impact on the butt, start with soft strikes. Different striking implements leave different sensations (a thin tipped implement will "sting" and a bigger implement is more likely to "thud"). Gradually increase the frequency, strength, and harshness of the strikes. Be careful to not strike the same exact spot over and over again. A red-pink color is fine. A red color is fine. However, be cautious when it starts to turn into a bruising color (blues, greens, and purples). Stop when it turns into a sickly bruised color (dark colors like navy blue, black, dark purples, dark greens). During your aftercare period, be sure to rub soothing lotion on it and to wait a few days for the bum to recover. If you strike the butt too frequently and too severely over the course of a few days, you run the risk of "leather butt syndrome" where you develop scar tissue in and around your bum because you didn't give it the proper chance to heal.

Yes, there is a slight chance of pregnancy if a man ejaculate's into a person's butt (if the fluid that comes out of the penis "dribbles down" from the butt into the vagina). It is incredibly rare, but it can happen. The only 100% way to prevent pregnancy is abstinence. It does not matter how many methods of contraception you use (rubbers, the pill, spermicide, etc.), nothing is 100% effective. As stated on Planned Parenthood's website: "But it’s still possible for semen to get into the vagina during anal sex — if the guy ejaculates into or near the anus, and the semen leaks from there down onto the vulva. Fingers and hands could make this more likely, too, by moving semen towards the vulva."

A large risk with butt play is STDs/STIs. One of the most deadly is HIV/AIDS. HIV is transmitted via body fluids. It can take up to six months for it to show up in someone's bloodwork, which is why many people pass it onto someone else without knowing they were infected in the first place.

While there has not been a lot of studies in regards to how stretching the anus could affect the physiology and anatomy of the area, whenever doctors have been asked about it, they theorize that a person could theoretically lose sensation around their anus and the body "forgets how to poop".

Another common question is, is there a way to stimulate the prostate without actual penetration? The answer is, yes, indirectly. The area between a person's testicles and anus (the undercarriage) is known as the perineum. Gently rub that area with the soft part of your finger tip (do not dig your nails in). For some people, it drives them wild. If you want a more specific area on the perineum, aim more towards the rectum end (closer to "the back", not as close to the testicles). Be gentle and experiment in rubbing a few different ways to see what is liked best.

Loving Androids

Detroit: Become Human is a video game made in 2018 that focuses on a semi-futuristic world where sentient androids live alongside humans. Androids can be bought for the cost of a relatively low-grade car (around 8k-16k depending on the android, how new it is, the features it has, etc.) and there are numerous different models in this game, each one built for a slightly different task (crimonology, psychology, house maid, etc.). Some androids are built almost exclusively to engage with humans in romantic and sexual like relationships. If an android goes against what they were programmed to do, they become "deviant".

I have been enjoying video games for about two decades at this point. I started playing them when I was five or six years old. I fell in love with Detroit: Become Human but it also raised a few excellent questions about the idea of androids and humans being romantically involved with each other and/or sexual contact with each other (like issues of consent).

As it stands now, we live in a world with sex dolls becoming more and more advanced (in both body designs and interactive options with their human companions). One of the most advanced dolls on the market now (at least when it comes purely to aesthetics) is the RealDoll. It was featured on the show World's Strangest Addictions on TLC. When it comes to vocally interactive sex dolls, this feature is also getting rather advanced. While these companies primarily seem to sell dolls with voluptous breasts, the "penile variation" of dolls are also available. In Detroit: Become Human both male and female dolls are avilable for purchase (for both the sex industry and everything else within the game).

One robot in particular from Detroit: Become Human is an android known as North. North became deviant because she was made to be a sex android for humans to "play" with and realized she couldn't tolerate it anymore. As she puts it: "I was nothing...A doll in a distributor program to satisfy humans...Just a toy designed for their pleasure...One day, I was with a man who rented me...And without knowing why, I realized I couldn't take it anymore. I strangled him, and I ran away." North doesn't go into detail about what exactly happened between her and her client, but the way she goes about saying it made it seem like the life she had was pretty rough up to that point in time.

As it stands, there are not a lot of studies in regards to humans and their doll companions (either strictly romantic relationships with their dolls or strictly sexual relationships with their dolls). Many people are creeped out by the idea of android or doll romantic and/or sexual relationships. Many people who have these dolls believe that as these dolls become more common, less people will have such a negative knee jerk reaction to them.

Will our dolls and sex robots get to the point of being like the androids featured in Detroit: Become Human? Yes, I believe we will. Yes, I believe that there will be a point where (at least by legal standards), an android and/or doll will be deemed "fully sentient" and therefore have the same legal rights as a human might have. This brings up a lot of interesting ethical questions that we likely will not be able to answer until this hypothetical situation is staring us in the face.

In similar news, in case you are curious, the term agalmatophilia is the fetish (or kink, depending on your feelings) that involves being attracted to a doll, status, mannequin, android, or similar object. Mechanophilia involves attraction towards cars, bicycles, ships, helicopters, anroids, domestic appliances, and similar technological things.

Exploring Sexual Attraction

When people say "sexual attraction", the average Jane/Joe/Morgan doesn't tend to question it. However, for people questioning their sexual orientation, it can be a monumental undertaking. Our sexual orientation is an extremely important part of our identity. There's entire communities, symbols, and the like dedicated to celebrating this part of our identity. As someone who took honestly over a decade to figure out what exact community I comfortably fit in with (in regards to sexual orientation), I thought this blog post might provide some insight.

There is a lot of variation for definitions when it comes to "sexual attraction". A ton. No two sites can agree on an "exact" definition (which might be the reason why so many people across all age ranges struggle with finding a "hey, that's me!" type identity that really resonates with them).

Here's some definitions for "sexual attraction" found across different websites and books:

• Sexual attraction is an emotional response sexual people feel where they find someone sexually appealing, and often results in a desire for sexual contact with the person (AVEN)
• Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest (Wikipedia)
• Sexual attraction involves the desire for a sexual relationship or sexual contact with someone (UNC LGBT Center)
• Sexual attraction is synonymous with “sex appeal": having the capacity to arouse sexual interest and desire. (The Complete Dictionary of Sexology)
• Sexual attraction is sex or sex-like acts that a person finds alluring, desirable, or attractive, where they can see themselves enjoying said acts when applying the concepts to themselves (a dictionary definition of "sexual attraction")

While all these definitions are similar, there isn't really a hard "concrete" definition. This is why the LGBTQIA community honestly can not agree to one solid definition on what "sexual attraction" really is (and why so many people either "jump around" different identity terms, constantly question themselves, among other things). 

For people who are very "logic orientated" or want something from an "official source" to really understand sexual attraction, this can be very frustrating. For people who experience neurodivergency (mental health, neurological condition, been through trauma, among other things), this can be very frustrating. Human sexuality, is an inherently very complex subject. People try to grossly oversimplify it, and the community as a whole hurts because of it. 

We also have the subject of "Split-attraction theory" where one's sexual orientation is completely different from their romantic orientation (such as an asexual biromantic or pansexual aromantic to give two examples). It would be impossible to list every single LGBTQIA term out there or possible combination because our language in regards to the LGBTQIA sphere is constantly in-flux. 

If a person changes their sexual orientation label because they find a more-fitting term, that is fine. If a person feels more comfortable with a macrolabel (pansexual, bisexual, asexual, etc.), that is fine. If a person feels more comfortable with a microlabel (cupiosexual, demisexual, etc.), that is fine. It is okay to explore one's sexual attraction. It is okay to question one's sexual orietation. What is not okay is passing judgement on someone. 

Sex Education (2019) Review

Sex Education is a UK show on Netflix. It was released in January 2019 and focuses on a young man going through high school with his two friends. The young man (Otis)'s mother is a sex therapist and has some boundary problems with her son. Since Otis grew up surrounded by his mother's work and studies, he has picked up a lot of information (her mother sees clients in their home) just from naturally living around his mother. Otis's friend (Maeve) sees an business opportunity for Otis to give sex related advice to their classmates (all sorts of problems dealing with human sexuality, including but not limited to: masturbation, oral sex, lesbian relationships, genitalia, among other things). Eric is Otis's other friend and is a gay drag queen with a not as accepting family, so the show explores that character dynamic as well. I will not give spoilers in this review.

The show itself is one season (as of this review), with each episode being around fifty minutes long. The show, overall takes a more comedic tone but has its serious moments throughout the season, dealing with Maeve, Otis, and/or Eric. Its serious moments hit hard and well with the emotions, treating the appropriately heavy scenes as indeed heavy. It is graphic at times with its sexual nature (just look at the title of the show), but it is done tastefully, overall.

The costuming for the show is done well. While the behind the scenes crew was inspired by the 1980's overall aesthetic, interviews with the cast confirmed that the show takes place in present day. The lighting and soundtrack for the show are also handled nicely. Episode pacing doesn't go too fast and doesn't go too slow.

The show's group of characters that it focuses on (between Otis and his friends and the regular classmates that they interact with) come from all types of diverse backgrounds and each fill in their own high school "niche" (jocks, musicians, bullies, etc.) but they do not feel like a stereotype in any sense of the word.

The show's actual sex education when it comes to Otis's sex therapy sessions do have plausible and realistic experiences with his clients. This show is not a documentary, but it does try to at the very least see plausible with the different sexuality problems discussed in the show. The show also does a good job at handling topics that polarize people (LGBTQIA individuals, abortion, among other topics).

Overall this show has a really strong start to it. It has a strong rating on Rotten Tomatoes (91%) and around a 8.4/10 on IMBD. Personally, I strongly recommend this show.

Gai and Strayt

"Gai" was coined by a person who goes by the username "aristothecat". "Strayt" was coined by a person who goes by the username "Mercuryretrograde". Gai means "gay, but in the non-binary way" for people who identify as non-binary. It is pronounced "Gay". Strayt means "straight, but in the non-binary way" for people who identify as non-binary. It is pronounced "straight".

Gai and Strayt are one of the two examples of a landslide of terminology that has appeared within the past few years of the LGBTQIA community. The non-binary community has been expanding rapidly, using social media websites like Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook to spread awareness about different terminology and queer theory ideas.

Since non-binary is now such a widely accepted term in both the civilian and professional community, it makes sense that new terminology stemming from said identity has been coined. People want to think that language is static and non-changing, when this couldn't be further from the truth. Language, regardless if you've studied it at the collegiate or not, is in a state of constant flux.

Will some of the new terminology be forgotten within the pages of the internet? More than likely. However, the best attitude to approach this with is "just go with the flow". Depending on how you look at it, fortunately (or unfortunately) there has been numerous terms (espicially within the LGBTQIA community) lost to the pages of history.

Kink vs Fetish

When people say "kink", they normally think it is interchangable with "fetish". This is not the case. It is a common misconception. However, when discussing human sexuality, it is absolutely vital to make this crucial distinction, since it has a strong ability to influence how people view identities and ideologies.

In simple terms, "kink" is anything considered "abnormal" to the average Joe/Jane/Morgan. It is not inherently sexual. "Fetish" is something you need to have an orgasm too. It is inherently sexual. All fetishes are kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes.

To complicate things, "fetish" also has a few variation of meanings outside of the human sexuality scope of conversation. Fetish often has the "-philia" suffix attached to terms. "-Philia" comes from the Greek language and means "fondness". As such, it has a few variations of definitions:

• fascination with someone or something
• extreme curiosity about someone or something
• obsession with someone or something

Take the term "hybristophilia". Hybristophilia is a fetish for criminals or "bad guys". When discussing "hybristophilia" it is the fetishization of criminals (everything from jay-walking to full blown murder cases). If you take the literal, linguistics definition of it (breaking it down) it means "fondness for criminals". If you look at how the term has evolved, it can mean (depending on the context and intent of the person writing or speaking):

• Fascination with criminals and/or criminal activity
• Extreme curiosity with criminals and/or criminal activity
• Obsessed with criminals and/or criminal activitity
• Can only have an orgasm when having sex with criminals OR imagining having sex with a criminal

Like all terms, hybristophilia can be considered a spectrum (like any term with the suffix -philia). One end is purely a fascination/curiosity when it comes to criminals and/or criminal activity, while the other end is a very sexual side of the spectrum. 

I'd like to thank The Science of Sex Appeal for providing the information for this post. There were other documentaries involved as well that helped expand upon the idea that kinks and fetishes are not interchangable words, but The Science of Sex Appeal was the primary inspiration for this piece. 

Bonding (2019) Review

Netflix is completely hit or miss with their shows and movies that center around sex work, BDSM, and/or the adult industry in general. While their Sex Education series is highly praised by many people (both in and out of the adult industry), videos like Hot Girls Wanted are ripped to shreds by people in the adult industry. Bonding is a shorter Netflix series, each episode only running about eighteen minutes and having only seven episodes total for their first season. Please note, I am retired from the adult industry, so I’ve had plenty of real world experience within the community (but not as a dominatrix).

Overall, the series feels like a sitcom. There’s a lot of emphasis on comedy with some “serious” moments. For me, one of my biggest complaints is the lack of focus on preliminary screenings and discussions with Mistress May and her clients as well as lack of aftercare. These two things when getting new clients are of the utmost importance whe being in the adult industry and getting clients. Clients need to be screened to reduce the risk of the worker getting harmed from said client. Aftercare is important because even though we all have fun kinks and fetishes we want to indulge in, it can be very taxing mentally.

Personally a big problem I had with it was Mistress May’s outfits. As someone who majored in studio art for my BA with a passion for fashion, her clothes looked flat out tacky. The clothes reminded me of the questionable quality spandex and/or leather outfits you find in those pop-up seasonal Halloween stores. Professional dominatrixes know the “look” is super important for their personas. Every dominatrix has a different style and “look”: some go goth, some go for the full spandex and leather, some go for a more burlesque look. It is up to the dominatrix for however she wishes to present, but she knows she must look at the top of her game whenever around her clients. I am using feminine pronouns because most dominatrix use feminine pronouns.

The script is enjoyable purely from a dialogue point of view. There are plenty of funny situations or gems within the series. Like I mentioned earlier, there are “serious” moments in the show, but the problems with these shows (with how their comedy is set up) is that it’s honestly difficult to take the serious moments as seriously as they should be taken. There was also an instance whenever a professor in a graduate school program on the school almost sexually assaulted a student.

This show should not be taken at face value for how dominatrixes actually do their job “in the real world”. It is a better representation than 50 Shades of Grey (both the book and movies), but it’s hardly mediocre. The other problem with it when it comes to “realism” with kinks, fetishes, and BDSM is the fact that Pete/Carter is not properly “prepped” for his role as an assistant for Mistress May. Not in the slightest. This is a huge violation of proper consent. The other problem is how clients seem to purposely try to make things awkward of Mistress May and Pete/Carter whenever they bump into each other in person.

Overall I would give the show a 6.5/10. It’s enjoyable if you put on the suspension of disbelief. However, do not take this show as a realistic take on the fetish, kink, BDSM, or adult industry scene. If you’re looking for realism in that regard, check out the film The Secretary (2002).

Sex & Love Around The World (2018) Review

Sex & Love Around The World is a CNN documentary that stars the host Christiane Amanpour, who travels to numerous different countries and discusses human sexuality as well as romantic relationships. I have been meaning to get around to watching this on Netflix (being a sexologist and interested in anthrocourtology/loveology and all), and I was finally able to finish it. Overall, I really enjoyed the show's content, not so much the host (Ms. Amanpour).

The show dedicates each episode to a different country. Each episode is about 40 minutes long. The first season (Netflix only has 1 season, I am unaware if this went on for longer) travels to: Tokyo (Japan), Dehli (India), Beirut (Lebanon), Accra (Ghana), and Shanghai (China). The show follows Ms. Amanpour interviewing different people from these different cultures, asking them all sorts of questions about their love life and sex life. Some of the participants are visibly uncomfortable by such graphic questions while others just go along for the ride.

Overall, this is a great introduction to different cultures in regards to content for those curious about romantic relationships and how sexuality is treated in these different countries. However, the host, did not do a good job at approaching it from an unbiased point of view. It is absolutely critical when investigating different cultures to investigate it from an unbias and non-judgemental viewpoint. This way you can get the most information from your participants without coming across as untactful and/or disrespectful.

I was visibly cringing watching Ms. Amanpour. It isn't a single instance of uncomfortablility either. There are numerous instances throughout the show, across the different episodes where Ms. Amanpour comes off as disrespectful towards her participant's culture and values.

If you can ignore the host's overall behavior, it is a great show. I do strongly recommend it for those curious to learn about another person's culture (specifically through the lens of romantic relationships and/or human sexuality).