Caligosexual

Caligosexual Pride Flag

Caligosexual is a term within the asexual umbrella. It means "a sexual attraction defined as feeling sexual attraction that is very weak or vague, almost nonexistent, like a vapor, fog, or mist." Some people describe it as "I'm basically in the between of greysexual and asexual because my attraction is so rare and/or weak I don't even consider myself apart of the greysexual community." The term was coined in July 2016 by a user named "terribledacty".

The original pride flag was the flag shown above, but with a triangle in the center, and the triangle was made up of the original asexual flag design's colors (so the asexual flag, but in the shape of a triangle, in the middle of the caligosexual flag). Some people complained that, that kind of design would be difficult to make PRIDE related merchandise (pillows, digital art, real life flags, etc.) so the above flag (the various shades of purple without the triangle on it, as shown above) was proposed as an alternative. 

Since this was coined in July 2016, this term is relatively new in the grand scheme of things, but some people are starting to identify as it because many people find it reltable. The flag shown above (the various shades of purple) was created by the blog dgs-haven. 

Nexplanon

Nexplanon is the "new version" of the implanon (the device itself is sometimes called "the implant"). It is a small device that is inserted right under the skin. It leaves a very tiny scar (no bigger than the tip of the finger if the person who inserted it did a good job). A person must periodically check to make sure the implant is in place. It must be changed once every 3 years to get the full effect from it. It has about 1/5000 chance of someone becoming pregnant when it's properly inserted. It is a device that gradually releases hormones, effectively tricking the body into thinking it's pregnant based on hormones alone.

Statistically speaking, it's just about on par with getting one's tubes tied. It is slightly more effective than an IUD (they run at about 1/3500 chance of becoming pregnant in a given year). That might not seem like much of a different in the great scheme of things but for people who are sticklers about statistics, that could mean the difference between getting one or the other. The copper IUD does not have hormones while the other category of IUDs does release hormones gradually into the body. Both the implant and IUDs release about 35% of extra hormones in your body (compared to the patch which puts about 65% of extra hormones in your body).

Since the Nexplanon is hormonal based, everyone's body will react differently to it. Some people have a brutal hell with it. Others experience little to no side effects. Sometimes it can take the body about 6-15 months post initial insertion for the body to get used to the hormones (it took my own body about 1 year, 12 months, to get used to the Nexplanon).

When it comes to cancer risk, the American Cancer Society recommends that people considering hormonal based birth control to please discuss it with their doctor. Many factors contribute to the chances of having cancer in one's lifetime.

The cost of the Nexplanon typically runs $1500-2500+, but the Affordable Care Act made it so that clinics must offer the Nexplanon free or very cheaply.

Kitten Play 101

A person holding a collar with a tag on it that says "KITTEN" in all caps

Kitten play is a type of pet play found in the BDSM community. It involves one or multiple partners taking on the persona of a cat. Some do it for humiliation purposes, but this is the vast minority of the kitten play players. Many do it as a temporary form of escapism from everyday life, or just do it for fun.

Let's start off with what kitten play is not:

• Inherently "furries" (people who dress in fursuits)
• Inherently "otherkin" (people who believe their soul is not an animal is one of the many possible definitions for otherkin)
• Inherently sexual (the outfits might be "sexy" or "sensually appealing", but it could be viewed as just an art form as well)
• Zoophiliac (fetish for animals)
• Beastiality (sexual act with animals)

Kitten play is predominantly dominated by women or feminine-spectrum based individuals (such as nonbinaries who feel a strong connection to femininity). However, boy kittens and nonbinary kittens definetly exist! 

A good motto with kitten play is "cats come when they feel like it, not when they're told." For this reason, many (but not all) kitten players have a tendency to be a bit "bratty" (playfully push the buttons of their Dominants). Kitten players tend to be extremely playful while "in character", often doing things that "real" pet cats often do (play with laser beams, playfully paw at someone or something, randomly get bursts of energy, lounge about the home, among other things).

From a nutritional point of view, it is important for kitten players to not eat food intended solely for cats. This could be potentially disasterous for the kitten player since they would eventually become nutrient deficient, which could lead to a host of problems with their body. 

Problematic Sapiosexual

A sapiosexual pride flag, designed by a person named "Clara-the-humann"

The term "sapiosexual" has been floating around the internet for a few years and is starting to become popular in different circles. For those unaware, it means "sexual attraction to intelligence". Google claims the term originated sometime in the early-mid 2000s, but there is no exact date that can be found. It breaks down to "wise + sexual".  

However, many people have spoken up about the problematic nature of "sapiosexual". For starters, how does one classify "intelligence"? Is it just a high IQ score? Is it just someone whose intelluctual interests are the same as yours? "Intelligence" has multiple different meanings as well ("book smart" vs emotional intelligence vs "street smart" etc.). Perhaps the most controversial aspect of it is that some people claim that "sexual attraction to intelligence" automatically excludes those who have some type of learning disability (or something similar). Anecdotal remarks have also said that Anytime I see the word 'sapiosexual' it's code word for "pseudo intellectual bullshit" where they just want to circle jerk their own ego and pretenciousness." 

Some critics have said that "sapiophilia would be a more appropriate term" because the -philia term denotes "strong interest" rather than "sexual attraction". Others have said the term "noetisexual" is a more appropriate alternative term. "Noetisexual" means someone who is "sexually attracted to how a person's mind works" rather than 'intelligence' in of itself. 

Cupiosexuality

Cupiosexuality is apart of the asexual community. It means "a person who does not exhibit sexual attraction towards anyone under any circumstances, but is willing to engage in sex or sex like activities with others and/or have sexual relationships with someone. "Now a person might ask "wait, don't you need sexual attraction to have sex with someone?" The simple answer is no. A person can decide to have sex with anyone for any reason, regardless if sexual attraction is there or not.

One way I have heard it described as "Imagine that you feel neutral about a certain food - let us say cake for the sake of an easy example. Now, let's say you are hungry and you open the fridge and see a piece of cake. There is no other food in the fridge. You eat the piece of cake because you're hungry, but you feel indifferent about the piece of cake (it is not your favorite food but at the same time you don't not like it)."

Google Trends marks cupiosexual "appearing" on the internet sometime in January 2014, however it is very possible the term and flag created for it have been around longer. Originally, it was named "Kalosexual", but the community decided to change it to "cupiosexual" because of harassement from people.

The cupiosexual official flag

Acelyssie is the person who seems to have coined the term (on their own blog), but I am unable to confirm this information. While searching the internet, I was unable to find the origin of the flag (as in who created it) and I could not find an explanation for the color meanings. 

Drag Kings

Spikey Van Dykey, pictured above, is one of the most famous drag kings known

The world is pretty familiar with the concept of "Drag Queens", preformance artists who dress in typically traditional "feminine" clothing as a means to make some kind of statement (whether it's for comedic purposes, to attack the patriarchy, or any other reason under the sun), the world is not nearly as familiar with the world of Drag Kings. 

Drag Kings are preformance artists who do what Queens do, but flip it (where the artist will dress in typically traditional "masculine" clothing as a means to make some kind of statement). Similar to Queens, the Kings must also undergo heavy makeup to create the illusion of the character that they are portraying on stage. Just like Drag Queens, Kings also dance and lip sync to songs or preform their own routines (like stand up comedy).

Drag Kings are taking the world by storm. They are starting to become more well known in LGBT clubs as well as show up in "LGBT talent shows" (or drag shows in general). Just like Drag Queens, the Kings come in all shapes, sizes, attires, and colors. The only limit is your imagination, as cheesy as that sounds. 

Dani Boi, another drag king

Queer Theory 101

I can not cover every topic covered in "queer theory", that would be impossible. This post is meant to serve as a basic introduction to it and give the readers a basic understanding of it.

Queer theory is made up of philosophies and different belief systems for describing the "queer experience" as a member of the LGBTQIA movement. The idea of queer theory has been around for many years but didn't really get serious attention from professionals and/or the academic community until the 1990s.

Wikipedia describes queer theory as: "queer theory expands its focus to encompass any kind of sexual activity or identity that falls into normative and deviant categories". In plain English, this means it covers just about anything that isn't considered "monogamous, straight, cisgender people."

Queer theory is absolutely vital to gain a deeper understanding of the contemporary LGBTQIA community. It gives people an insight on how our views have changed throughout the years as well as give an idea of how certain belief systems came about. Some concepts discussed within queer theory (but it's certainly not limited to these subjects) are: drag culture, asexuality, how feminism interacts with the LGBT community, the intersex community, polyamorous individuals, and how the kink community interacts with the LGBT community (such as fetish balls and BDSM participation in lgbt night clubs).

Unfortunately a lot of the younger generations of LGBTQIA individuals never bother to look at LGBT history and/or queer theory, and it shows. Terms that were coined in say the 1990s (like the term pomosexual) get forgotten, become rediscovered in recent years and people suddenly accuse it of "being a special Tumblr word" when in reality the word has been around much longer than Tumblr. It's frustrating and aggravating to see these patterns with so many ideas, philosophies, and different philosophies within the LGBT community.

Fish Play/Mermaid Play

Permaid is the model in a gimp suit in the shape of a mermaid

Disclaimer: fish play and mermaid play are potentially very dangerous forms of BDSM, this guide is meant to be used solely as an educational resource, I am not responsible for how you play, I am not responsible for what happens to you in the real world, please do as much research as you can prior to engaging in this kind of play, get the proper health certifications (such as CPR), and never be afraid to dial your emergency hotline (like 9-1-1) if any emergency or medical situation pops up

Fish play is a type of pet play in the BDSM community. It deals with a person taking on the persona of a fish. It is arguably one of the more dangerous forms of pet play, since one of the fish player is typically (at least partially) submerged in water (or completely submerged in water). The fish player will eat food that typically resembles some kind of fish food, but is completely safe for human consumption (they do not actually eat food made for fish-pets). An alternative form of fish play is known as "mermaid play", where one person takes on the persona of a mermaid. They can wear a complete gimp suit (as Permaid is featured above), or can take on a more "traditional" mermaid outfit.

If a person is interested in mermaid play or fish play, it is absolutely that vital they feel comfortable in and around water. It is vital that they are a strong swimmer underwater. It is not recommended to have the arms and/or hands bound behind the person's back when in the water. Lets can be bound (like a traditional "mermaid") but it is strongly recommended to have some kind of fin (such as a monofin, normally about $40+) to give them an easier time swimming in the water. Do not swim in water where there is a current. The water must be appropriately warm as well. There are plenty of risks in swimming too hot or too cold water. 

The Dominant of a fish play relationship could have a variety of potential titles, but one of the more popular ones is "angler". They will tend to their fish player, making sure that they are well fed, and can teach their fish player tricks in or right above the water. If the fish player submerges themselves into the water (fully or partly), it is strongly recommended to not play alone and to have them under close supervision (one never knows when a panic attack or similar could occur). If any type of binding occurs, it is strongly recommended to have a quick release knot (where the person can easily and quickly get themselves out of said binding). If the legs are bound by fabric, it is recommended to practice in shallow water to learn how to quickly get out of said fabric. 

If a person is interested in buying a professional mermaid tail, please be aware that these tails are very expensive. The low tier tails tend to run between $150-400. Mid-tier tails tend to run between $500-800. Top tier (professional) tails tend to run around $1000+. DO NOT buy from "second hand" shops or websites (EBay, Etsy, Amazon, etc.). It is STRONGLY recommended to only buy from proper tail tailors (like MerBella, FinFolk, or MerTailor). 

Fish play (as well as mermaid play) is certainly a more unique form of pet play and is not well discussed. This document is meant to serve solely as an educational guide for those brand new to fish play or mermaid play. 

Alternatives to LGBTQIA

There have been numerous alternatives to the ever-changing anacronym LGBT. The longest string of letters in existence (at least to my knowledge) is: LGBTQQIA(A)P. This stands for:

• Lesbian
• Gay
• Bisexual
• Transgender
• Queer
• Questioning
• Intersex
• Asexual
• (Ally)*
• Pansexual/omnisexual

Please note for "Ally", it's in paranthesis for a reason because it's considered controversial. Queer theory has long established this string as one of the longest (if not the longest) string of letters to the LGBT shorthand. 

There have been numerous alternatives proposed over the years. They all vary in popularity. Some of these include: SAGA (sexuality and gender acceptance), MOGAI (Marginalized Orientations, Gender identities), GSM (gender sexuality minority), DGS (diverse gender sexualities), GSD (gender and sexual diversity), and GLOW (gay, lesbian, or whatever).

All of these terms have various origin stories (mostly stemming from some kind of social media usage like Tumblr or Reddit) and different flags to represent them. Some include the idea of fetishists and BDSM practioners, others do not. Some have gotten controversy over the years due to the misbelief that some of them are open to people or objects that can not consent. 

It is ultimately up to the individual to decide what term they feel most comfortable with attempting to describe the complex experience that is human sexuality. 

Fraysexuality

In honor of PRIDE month (June) I'll be touching on some not as well known sexual orientations. I actually got requested to write about this one from a reader, so a shout out to that anonymous reader!

Fraysexuality is in a sense the polar opposite of "demisexuality". It is a sexual orientation found under the asexual umbrella. It means someone who regularly experiences sexual attraction (of varying degrees) to strangers or almost complete strangers (not nessascarily every single stranger they come across but a large chunk of them). However, once they start to get to know the person and the relationship naturally progresses to a title beyond stranger (such as becoming friends with the person), the person regularly experiences loss of sexual attraction. In simple English: they are sexually attracted to strangers or almost complete strangers but once they start to form a bond with said strangers, they no longer feel sexual attraction.

Google Trends shows the term popping up on Google since at least April 2015. However, it is possible the term was coined long before that. It is often difficult to find the exact origins of these newer sexual orientation labels. It is unknown where or who exactly coined "fraysexuality" (Reddit, Tumblr, Facebook, AVEN, somewhere else).

The fraysexual official flag

The flag originated off of Tumblr (the Tumblr is no longer online). However, the flag color meanings mean this: the blue and cyan color represent strangers or less-than-familiar relationships with people. The white is the lack of attraction. The grey/gray (whatever your choice for spelling for this word) represents the confusion that fraysexuals often feel when dealing with relationships.