"Show me your tits"

Chatroulette's logo, one of many that have appeared over the years

As a 26 year old I am very much aware of “chatroulette” and similar websites where horny teens (and sometimes younger, or older) would write “show me your tits”. Chatroulette has changed greatly over the years. The most recent rendition of it seems to only allow pure video chatting (no text chat).

For the girls who didn’t know any better (and/or had zero care in the world), they would bare their chest to these complete strangers on the internet. Other times, people who were working with the cops or some other authority would attempt to do some kind of ‘sting’ operation to fool pedophiles and the like.
As a sexologist, this whole phenomenon of “show me your tits” is interesting. It almost always comes from a male. The male can be any age range but tends to be 13+ (some of these people haven’t even hit puberty yet, they’re only saying it because, theoretically, they see other people see this piece of text).

One theory by an aspiring sex therapist is (paraphrased): “It is out of malice…to ‘put women in their place’ because they [the men] don’t think we [the women] should be sexual unless it’s free and with them, and feelings of resentment”. This is a great theory that does hold water. Many boys grow up in homes where men are vehemently anti-woman (even if they have a wife). If they do have a wife, the wife tends to take on a more subservient role. Sex life of these always ends up with the woman as the bottom, often with the goal of reproduction and/or solely to give the man pleasure (“oh cares about the woman if she orgasms or not”). In this sense, they’re reduced to just property and lose any sense of humanity (they might as well be a sex doll with actual skin in this scenario where the couple is doing sex only for the man to orgasm).

Personally, I feel that it is because the men want to feel like they have some kind of power over women. Sex and sexuality is a form of “power” men often use to try to exhibit ‘dominance’ over women. If they have your nude images or video clips, they feel like they can blackmail you into doing whatever you want because society sees it as “Shameful” (and in some professional circles — it can certainly be career-ending, like in teaching or say healthcare).

With sex workers becoming more and more prominent, however, pictures and video clips featuring AFAB (“assigned female at birth”) body types with their breasts out, striking a sexually charged pose, and/or creating videos that involve them engaging in some kind of sexual activity, it is extremely common in today’s era to see these kinds of images. I joke with my friends when the 2060s roll around, people who were young in the 2020s (20/30-some year olds) will joke “Yeah, who didn’t have a nude image and/or sex tape in some shape or form floating around the web somewhere or have exchanged with a romantic partner at the time”.

At least in the mainstream, this phrase seems to have lost its popularity and power. I will admit, whenever I personally get a message from a man that says something like “Show me your tits” I am perplexed. There is literally an entire internet out there to get free or cheap naked photos of women (both artistic tasteful nudes and pornographic scenarios). There are animated breasts out there for people who prefer an animated woman to the “real woman”. There’s real-life sex dolls that look incredibly realistic (RealDoll is the company I have in min) as well.

Kink v. Fetish

The idea of "what's the difference, exactly, between a kink and a fetish" will likely be debated until the end of time. The psychological community has a slightly different definition from say the anthropological community. For sexology, the definition is a mish-mash from many different fields (biological, physiological, anthropological, sociological, among other fields). This new definition for what exactly is the difference between the two is influenced by the fields mentioned above and has created its own unique definition.

Some definitions for "kink" that have popped up over the years are:

• An unconventional sexual taste or behavior (Merriam-Webster's collegiate dictionary, 2020)
• An unusual behavior, something most people would deem "abnormal" or "bizarre" - not inherently "sexual" (Decoding Desire, 2014)
• "Kink" is a broad term that refers to a wide variety of consensual, non-traditional sexual, sensual, and intimate behaviors such as sadomasochism, domination and submission, erotic roleplaying, fetishism, and erotic forms of discipline (Aaron, 2018)

Some definitions of "fetish" that have popped up over the years are:

• "to do" / "a thing made by art" (Fernandez & Lastovicka, 2011)
• Used by anthropologists and historians to observe different societies and their relationship to material objects (Fernandez & Lastovicka, 2011)
• An inanimate object or body part causes sexual arousal (Fernandez & Lastovicka, 2011) (Freud)
• A ritualized use of eroticized objects of desire (Krafft-Ebing)
• A body part on the human body or inanimate object with intense sensations (Krafft-Ebing)
• The attribution of erotic or sexual significance to some nonsexual inanimate object or to a nongenital body part; an inanimate object venerated for its alleged magical powers. Fetishism involves a paraphilia condition in which the fetishist is dependent on a fetish object, substance, or part of the body in order to achieve sexual arousal and orgasm. The erotic symbolism of a  fetish results from associations usually developed unconsciously during the prepubertal or early adolescent period.  (Francoeur, Cornog, Scherzer, & Perper, 1995)
• "Fetish" is a more narrow term that describes people with an erotic or intimate interest in specific non-genital body parts, fabrics, smells, fluids, costumes and other non-human objects. (Aaron, 2018)

While similar, these two words are not quite the same. The people on the internet and everyday conversation use these two terms are interchangeable, synonymous things when this is not quite the case. "Kink" is typically seen as someone "unusual" or "abnormal" to the average person off the street (bondage, roleplaying, certain acts of BDSM just to give some examples). It is not inherently "sexual" (sexual here meaning: anything involving penetration, having an orgasm as the primary goal of the activity, etc.). "Fetish" is seen as something where the primary goal is to have an orgasm or to experience sexual-relating feelings and sensation (the "feel good" feelings that come when someone touches a certain spot on the body, such as caressing the back of a knee or rubbing a feather on someone). 

Sexologists, a field of study specific to human sexuality, all have slightly varying definitions of "kink" and "fetish". One thing sexologists can agree on though is that the line between "fetish" and "sexual attraction" seems to be getting thinner with how exactly to define the differences between the two. Regardless, it is important to remember that there is a slight difference between "kink" and "fetish". 

References:

Aaron, M. (2018, May 30). Growing Up Kinky: Research Shows How Kink Identity Is Formed. Retrieved February 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/standard-deviations/201805/growing-kinky-research-shows-how-kink-identity-is-formed

Decoding Desire. (2014).

Fernandez, K. V., & Lastovicka, J. L. (2011). Making Magic: Fetishes in Contemporary Consumption. Journal of Consumer Research, 38(2), 278–299. doi: 10.1086/659079

Francoeur, R. T., Cornog, M., Scherzer, N. A., & Perper, T. (1995). The complete dictionary of sexology (New Expanded). New York: Continuum.

Kink. 2020. in Merrian-Webster.com. Retrieved February 2020, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/kink

Rosen, D. (n.d.). Secrets of the Sexual Fetish: How Sin Became the New Normal. Retrieved February 2020, from http://logosjournal.com/2016/rosen/

Sex Magik

Sex Magik is a type of "magic" (written as magik to mark the difference between fictional magic and magik referencing energy manipulated by those who identify as a "witch") that involves sexual activities between two or more people. Some have made the argument that it can apply to masturbation as well, but generally speaking, "sex magik" is seen as 2+ people.

Sex magik is often considered a powerful form of magik. Different cultures from around the globe have different rituals and beliefs regarding sex and sex-like activities. There are deities associated with the idea of sex as well. Some popular deities from different pantheons involving sex involve Eros (son of Aphrodite, Greek/Roman mythology), Qetesh (Egyptian), Rati (Hinduism), Freyja (Germanic), and Zamani (Hausa).

Some rituals involve potions, often composed of different types of liquids (body fluids or otherwise) and sometimes parts of animals (different parts of snakes for example). Fertility rituals are very common as well in different time periods and cultures around the globe. Sex magik can involve these types of rituals as well. It all depends on the person who is defining the term. Witchcraft is very individualistic. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to witchcraft.

Some try to use sex magik to enhance pleasure (for themselves or their partner{s}), some use it for fertility, and some use it to enhance their own physical features (self esteem boost, improve their own beauty, etc.). Regardless of the technique or method, it is a valid form of witchcraft. Like all sexual activities though, keep in mind safe sex practices and get yourself tested regularly if you have multiple sexual partners.

Switch BDSM

A "switch" is a BDSM title. It means someone who is comfortable as both a Dominant and submissive. Switches can have a preference for being more "Dom like" or "sub like", but again, they are comfortable as both a Dominant and submissive. They have existed in the BDSM community since the beginning of the BDSM community. Switches can come from any socioeconomic condition and/or demographic (age, sex, gender, race, etc.) It is not currently known what demographics are the most populated when it comes to switches. Switches are not traditionally capitalized in the way that the Dominant title is ("Dominant" is, regardless of its placement in the sentence, due to an old tradition and to show respect for said title).

Many switches do face hardships within the BDSM community. They face similar struggles that the multisexual community in the LGBT community face (bisexual, pansexual, etc.) because of the struggle of "JUST PICK A SIDE" type phrases. Also, it is frankly difficult to find "PRIDE" type merchandise in the BDSM community geared towards switches, specifically (there's a lot of BDSM pride imagery and quotes around the internet for both the Dominant and submissive community, but it is much more difficult to find such things specific to the switch community).

The old switch flag (as depicted below)

has since been requested to stop being used as the "official" switch symbol in the BDSM community by the flag creator. The flag creator is not happy with the flag design and thus has asked people to stop associating it with the switch community. As such, they are currently "flag-less" for having a visual symbol to represent them. 

All the Letters

An anonymously made image found on the social media site "Whisper"

Queer theory is a collection of theories of "what it means" to be LGBT. A large recent survey done in different LGBT circles on different forms of social media (Reddit, Twitter, and Facebook) found that the term "queer" overall is now seen as "reclaimed" and/or "not a slur" for the LGBT community. Many use the term "queer" as a way to say "so many terms now apply to me, I'm not going to bore you with every single word and then explaining every single word". Others use it as a means of saying "I just am not straight".

As of now, the longest string of letters is LGBTQQIA(A)P, which stands for:

• Lesbian
• Gay
• Bisexual
• Transgender
• Queer
• Questioning
• Intersex
• Asexual
• (Ally)
• Pansexual/Omnisexual

Ally has its own punctuation around it because it is considered controversial. Some LGBT members consider "Allies" apart of the community, others do not. Both sides of the argument have very valid thoughts and concerns. This string of letters was established in the 1980s, but most people today use one of the following: LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQIA, LGBTIA, and LGBTA. 

Exploring your sexuality chart

Polysexual

The Polysexual official flag

Polysexual is one of the not as well known sexual orientations. It is a multisexual orientation that means someone who is sexually attracted to many, but not all genders and/or sexes. How exactly is this different from bisexual, multisexual, or pansexual/omnisexual? For starters, pansexual/omnisexual is sexual attraction to all genders and sexes. So that crosses out that. Bisexual, linguistically speaking means sexual attraction to "2", however, there are numerous ways to interpret "2" (many bisexuals say "I am sexually attracted to my own gender and others" and that still fits the numerical '2'). Multisexual can be used as an umbrella term (any sexual orientation that means sexually attracted to two and/or more genders or sexes) or as an individual term (when used in this sense, many have used it to say "many different circumstances affect my sexual orientation - it is easier to just say multisexual as opposed to explaining the many different circumstances to which this could apply to"). The easy answer? It widely varies and everyone will feel comfortable with a different term for what to identify themselves with.

Polysexual is NOT synonymous with polyamorous or polygamy. Polyamorous deals with the number of romantic partners. Polygamy is a form of marriage that involves multiple partners. Polysexual solely deals with sexual attraction. 

Google Trends state that people have been looking up this term on Google since at least 2004. The flag itself was created in July 2012 by a user who called themselves "Samlin". They said the colors represent: "pink is an attraction to feminine identified people, green is for non-binary or beyond the binary individuals, blue is for masculine-identified people".

As of this blog post (January 2020), I was unable to find official resources of information or a community beyond Facebook groups for polysexuality (official website, message board/forum, etc.).

Update

With the new year rolling in, it does look like I will no longer have to worry about my medical crisis, which is a relief off my shoulders. Also, in the process of changing jobs, so while I won't be having as long shifts as I was doing, I am not 100% sure of my schedule at the time. I will definitely be making a point of posting at least once a week, starting in January 2020.

Thank you all my readers who have stuck with me so far :) With the new year right around the corner I did decide to give this blog a new theme!

Multisexuality

The official PRIDE flag for the multisexual community!

The multisexual community is for any sexual orientation where the person exhibits sexual attraction to more than one sex or gender (so 2+). It can be used as a singular attraction term (as in "I am multisexual") or as an umbrella term (so the sub-sections of this community could be bisexual, pansexual/omnisexual, and polysexual to give a few examples).

Some people who identify as multisexual have said they identify as such because (in their own words, paraphrased), “different things affect my attraction towards different sexes and genders, so instead of trying to vocalize all these factors and make a complicated definition, I’m just using multisexual as opposed to bisexual or polysexual”. Some people may use it as a way of staying vague with who exactly they are attracted to (and/or not). Some people might not want to vocalize their 'real' sexual orientation term for whatever reason within the multisexual community, so they prefer to say 'multisexual'. 

Google trends claim that people have been trying to look up more information about this term on Google since at least November 2005. However, it does not clarify the context (relating to the LGBTQIA community or another subject). The official flag was chosen in February 2019. The flag colors are as followed:

• Purple: peace
• White: unity
• Light blue: freedom
• Pink/Magenta: compassion and love

Puppy Play 101

A puppy play girl in a pup hood, with a black collar

Puppy play is a type of BDSM roleplay. It involves men, women, everyone who wants to pretend to be a pup (often taking on the "submissive" role) while their handler (often the "Dominant" in this scenario) will engage with them (sexual or non-sexual interactions). It is a very popular type of pet play within the BDSM community. There are numerous boy human pups, but many prominent women and non-binary pups are starting to make a name for themselves in the scene as well (Tumblr and Twitter are popular hang out spots for them as well as Fetlife).

Pup play can or can not involve costuming, like getting a "hood" (the mask that's shaped like a dog's face). Prices range from $175-500+, depending on the material and how elaborate the hood is. Some pups opt in for some kind of full body suit (often latex or spandex type materials). Some will attach a tail (often via butt plug or a clip-on tail). Knee and elbow pads are very popular and strongly recommended since it helps keep the pup's knees and elbows padded (the body will start to ache if you're on your hands and knees all day, regardless of how much you move around or adjust your weight). 

Recent studies show that the biggest reason that people choose to partake in puppy play (as opposed to something like the kitten play or pony play community within the pet play community) is to have a form of escapism from the real world. Very few puppy players do it for humiliation purposes like a common misconception is from the vanilla (non-kink) and/or BDSM community in general (since there's numerous misconceptions involving the puppy play, in and out of the BDSM community).

Human pups are strongly discouraged from consuming dog food (or any other kind of food marketed towards biological pets like dogs, cats, chickens, horses, whatever the item is) as their sole food/intake source of calories because these kinds of food bags are not meant for human consumption. They are not built for human nutrition. There's numerous human food look-alikes that human pups can eat (like cooked chicken, oatmeal, among other things). 

Fox play is a popular sub-community of puppy players. As the name suggests, it focuses on the pet player taking on the persona of a fox. More about that in a different article, since this article's primary focus is to give people a basic understanding of the puppy play community. 

There are many BDSM, leather, and spandex pride events all over the USA that happily welcome puppy play players. Some conventions are specific to puppy play. There are a few flags for the puppy play community as well!