"Show me your tits"

Chatroulette's logo, one of many that have appeared over the years

As a 26 year old I am very much aware of “chatroulette” and similar websites where horny teens (and sometimes younger, or older) would write “show me your tits”. Chatroulette has changed greatly over the years. The most recent rendition of it seems to only allow pure video chatting (no text chat).

For the girls who didn’t know any better (and/or had zero care in the world), they would bare their chest to these complete strangers on the internet. Other times, people who were working with the cops or some other authority would attempt to do some kind of ‘sting’ operation to fool pedophiles and the like.
As a sexologist, this whole phenomenon of “show me your tits” is interesting. It almost always comes from a male. The male can be any age range but tends to be 13+ (some of these people haven’t even hit puberty yet, they’re only saying it because, theoretically, they see other people see this piece of text).

One theory by an aspiring sex therapist is (paraphrased): “It is out of malice…to ‘put women in their place’ because they [the men] don’t think we [the women] should be sexual unless it’s free and with them, and feelings of resentment”. This is a great theory that does hold water. Many boys grow up in homes where men are vehemently anti-woman (even if they have a wife). If they do have a wife, the wife tends to take on a more subservient role. Sex life of these always ends up with the woman as the bottom, often with the goal of reproduction and/or solely to give the man pleasure (“oh cares about the woman if she orgasms or not”). In this sense, they’re reduced to just property and lose any sense of humanity (they might as well be a sex doll with actual skin in this scenario where the couple is doing sex only for the man to orgasm).

Personally, I feel that it is because the men want to feel like they have some kind of power over women. Sex and sexuality is a form of “power” men often use to try to exhibit ‘dominance’ over women. If they have your nude images or video clips, they feel like they can blackmail you into doing whatever you want because society sees it as “Shameful” (and in some professional circles — it can certainly be career-ending, like in teaching or say healthcare).

With sex workers becoming more and more prominent, however, pictures and video clips featuring AFAB (“assigned female at birth”) body types with their breasts out, striking a sexually charged pose, and/or creating videos that involve them engaging in some kind of sexual activity, it is extremely common in today’s era to see these kinds of images. I joke with my friends when the 2060s roll around, people who were young in the 2020s (20/30-some year olds) will joke “Yeah, who didn’t have a nude image and/or sex tape in some shape or form floating around the web somewhere or have exchanged with a romantic partner at the time”.

At least in the mainstream, this phrase seems to have lost its popularity and power. I will admit, whenever I personally get a message from a man that says something like “Show me your tits” I am perplexed. There is literally an entire internet out there to get free or cheap naked photos of women (both artistic tasteful nudes and pornographic scenarios). There are animated breasts out there for people who prefer an animated woman to the “real woman”. There’s real-life sex dolls that look incredibly realistic (RealDoll is the company I have in min) as well.

Kink v. Fetish

The idea of "what's the difference, exactly, between a kink and a fetish" will likely be debated until the end of time. The psychological community has a slightly different definition from say the anthropological community. For sexology, the definition is a mish-mash from many different fields (biological, physiological, anthropological, sociological, among other fields). This new definition for what exactly is the difference between the two is influenced by the fields mentioned above and has created its own unique definition.

Some definitions for "kink" that have popped up over the years are:

• An unconventional sexual taste or behavior (Merriam-Webster's collegiate dictionary, 2020)
• An unusual behavior, something most people would deem "abnormal" or "bizarre" - not inherently "sexual" (Decoding Desire, 2014)
• "Kink" is a broad term that refers to a wide variety of consensual, non-traditional sexual, sensual, and intimate behaviors such as sadomasochism, domination and submission, erotic roleplaying, fetishism, and erotic forms of discipline (Aaron, 2018)

Some definitions of "fetish" that have popped up over the years are:

• "to do" / "a thing made by art" (Fernandez & Lastovicka, 2011)
• Used by anthropologists and historians to observe different societies and their relationship to material objects (Fernandez & Lastovicka, 2011)
• An inanimate object or body part causes sexual arousal (Fernandez & Lastovicka, 2011) (Freud)
• A ritualized use of eroticized objects of desire (Krafft-Ebing)
• A body part on the human body or inanimate object with intense sensations (Krafft-Ebing)
• The attribution of erotic or sexual significance to some nonsexual inanimate object or to a nongenital body part; an inanimate object venerated for its alleged magical powers. Fetishism involves a paraphilia condition in which the fetishist is dependent on a fetish object, substance, or part of the body in order to achieve sexual arousal and orgasm. The erotic symbolism of a  fetish results from associations usually developed unconsciously during the prepubertal or early adolescent period.  (Francoeur, Cornog, Scherzer, & Perper, 1995)
• "Fetish" is a more narrow term that describes people with an erotic or intimate interest in specific non-genital body parts, fabrics, smells, fluids, costumes and other non-human objects. (Aaron, 2018)

While similar, these two words are not quite the same. The people on the internet and everyday conversation use these two terms are interchangeable, synonymous things when this is not quite the case. "Kink" is typically seen as someone "unusual" or "abnormal" to the average person off the street (bondage, roleplaying, certain acts of BDSM just to give some examples). It is not inherently "sexual" (sexual here meaning: anything involving penetration, having an orgasm as the primary goal of the activity, etc.). "Fetish" is seen as something where the primary goal is to have an orgasm or to experience sexual-relating feelings and sensation (the "feel good" feelings that come when someone touches a certain spot on the body, such as caressing the back of a knee or rubbing a feather on someone). 

Sexologists, a field of study specific to human sexuality, all have slightly varying definitions of "kink" and "fetish". One thing sexologists can agree on though is that the line between "fetish" and "sexual attraction" seems to be getting thinner with how exactly to define the differences between the two. Regardless, it is important to remember that there is a slight difference between "kink" and "fetish". 

References:

Aaron, M. (2018, May 30). Growing Up Kinky: Research Shows How Kink Identity Is Formed. Retrieved February 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/standard-deviations/201805/growing-kinky-research-shows-how-kink-identity-is-formed

Decoding Desire. (2014).

Fernandez, K. V., & Lastovicka, J. L. (2011). Making Magic: Fetishes in Contemporary Consumption. Journal of Consumer Research, 38(2), 278–299. doi: 10.1086/659079

Francoeur, R. T., Cornog, M., Scherzer, N. A., & Perper, T. (1995). The complete dictionary of sexology (New Expanded). New York: Continuum.

Kink. 2020. in Merrian-Webster.com. Retrieved February 2020, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/kink

Rosen, D. (n.d.). Secrets of the Sexual Fetish: How Sin Became the New Normal. Retrieved February 2020, from http://logosjournal.com/2016/rosen/

Sex Magik

Sex Magik is a type of "magic" (written as magik to mark the difference between fictional magic and magik referencing energy manipulated by those who identify as a "witch") that involves sexual activities between two or more people. Some have made the argument that it can apply to masturbation as well, but generally speaking, "sex magik" is seen as 2+ people.

Sex magik is often considered a powerful form of magik. Different cultures from around the globe have different rituals and beliefs regarding sex and sex-like activities. There are deities associated with the idea of sex as well. Some popular deities from different pantheons involving sex involve Eros (son of Aphrodite, Greek/Roman mythology), Qetesh (Egyptian), Rati (Hinduism), Freyja (Germanic), and Zamani (Hausa).

Some rituals involve potions, often composed of different types of liquids (body fluids or otherwise) and sometimes parts of animals (different parts of snakes for example). Fertility rituals are very common as well in different time periods and cultures around the globe. Sex magik can involve these types of rituals as well. It all depends on the person who is defining the term. Witchcraft is very individualistic. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to witchcraft.

Some try to use sex magik to enhance pleasure (for themselves or their partner{s}), some use it for fertility, and some use it to enhance their own physical features (self esteem boost, improve their own beauty, etc.). Regardless of the technique or method, it is a valid form of witchcraft. Like all sexual activities though, keep in mind safe sex practices and get yourself tested regularly if you have multiple sexual partners.