Queer Theory 101

I can not cover every topic covered in "queer theory", that would be impossible. This post is meant to serve as a basic introduction to it and give the readers a basic understanding of it.

Queer theory is made up of philosophies and different belief systems for describing the "queer experience" as a member of the LGBTQIA movement. The idea of queer theory has been around for many years but didn't really get serious attention from professionals and/or the academic community until the 1990s.

Wikipedia describes queer theory as: "queer theory expands its focus to encompass any kind of sexual activity or identity that falls into normative and deviant categories". In plain English, this means it covers just about anything that isn't considered "monogamous, straight, cisgender people."

Queer theory is absolutely vital to gain a deeper understanding of the contemporary LGBTQIA community. It gives people an insight on how our views have changed throughout the years as well as give an idea of how certain belief systems came about. Some concepts discussed within queer theory (but it's certainly not limited to these subjects) are: drag culture, asexuality, how feminism interacts with the LGBT community, the intersex community, polyamorous individuals, and how the kink community interacts with the LGBT community (such as fetish balls and BDSM participation in lgbt night clubs).

Unfortunately a lot of the younger generations of LGBTQIA individuals never bother to look at LGBT history and/or queer theory, and it shows. Terms that were coined in say the 1990s (like the term pomosexual) get forgotten, become rediscovered in recent years and people suddenly accuse it of "being a special Tumblr word" when in reality the word has been around much longer than Tumblr. It's frustrating and aggravating to see these patterns with so many ideas, philosophies, and different philosophies within the LGBT community.

Fish Play/Mermaid Play

Permaid is the model in a gimp suit in the shape of a mermaid

Disclaimer: fish play and mermaid play are potentially very dangerous forms of BDSM, this guide is meant to be used solely as an educational resource, I am not responsible for how you play, I am not responsible for what happens to you in the real world, please do as much research as you can prior to engaging in this kind of play, get the proper health certifications (such as CPR), and never be afraid to dial your emergency hotline (like 9-1-1) if any emergency or medical situation pops up

Fish play is a type of pet play in the BDSM community. It deals with a person taking on the persona of a fish. It is arguably one of the more dangerous forms of pet play, since one of the fish player is typically (at least partially) submerged in water (or completely submerged in water). The fish player will eat food that typically resembles some kind of fish food, but is completely safe for human consumption (they do not actually eat food made for fish-pets). An alternative form of fish play is known as "mermaid play", where one person takes on the persona of a mermaid. They can wear a complete gimp suit (as Permaid is featured above), or can take on a more "traditional" mermaid outfit.

If a person is interested in mermaid play or fish play, it is absolutely that vital they feel comfortable in and around water. It is vital that they are a strong swimmer underwater. It is not recommended to have the arms and/or hands bound behind the person's back when in the water. Lets can be bound (like a traditional "mermaid") but it is strongly recommended to have some kind of fin (such as a monofin, normally about $40+) to give them an easier time swimming in the water. Do not swim in water where there is a current. The water must be appropriately warm as well. There are plenty of risks in swimming too hot or too cold water. 

The Dominant of a fish play relationship could have a variety of potential titles, but one of the more popular ones is "angler". They will tend to their fish player, making sure that they are well fed, and can teach their fish player tricks in or right above the water. If the fish player submerges themselves into the water (fully or partly), it is strongly recommended to not play alone and to have them under close supervision (one never knows when a panic attack or similar could occur). If any type of binding occurs, it is strongly recommended to have a quick release knot (where the person can easily and quickly get themselves out of said binding). If the legs are bound by fabric, it is recommended to practice in shallow water to learn how to quickly get out of said fabric. 

If a person is interested in buying a professional mermaid tail, please be aware that these tails are very expensive. The low tier tails tend to run between $150-400. Mid-tier tails tend to run between $500-800. Top tier (professional) tails tend to run around $1000+. DO NOT buy from "second hand" shops or websites (EBay, Etsy, Amazon, etc.). It is STRONGLY recommended to only buy from proper tail tailors (like MerBella, FinFolk, or MerTailor). 

Fish play (as well as mermaid play) is certainly a more unique form of pet play and is not well discussed. This document is meant to serve solely as an educational guide for those brand new to fish play or mermaid play. 

Alternatives to LGBTQIA

There have been numerous alternatives to the ever-changing anacronym LGBT. The longest string of letters in existence (at least to my knowledge) is: LGBTQQIA(A)P. This stands for:

• Lesbian
• Gay
• Bisexual
• Transgender
• Queer
• Questioning
• Intersex
• Asexual
• (Ally)*
• Pansexual/omnisexual

Please note for "Ally", it's in paranthesis for a reason because it's considered controversial. Queer theory has long established this string as one of the longest (if not the longest) string of letters to the LGBT shorthand. 

There have been numerous alternatives proposed over the years. They all vary in popularity. Some of these include: SAGA (sexuality and gender acceptance), MOGAI (Marginalized Orientations, Gender identities), GSM (gender sexuality minority), DGS (diverse gender sexualities), GSD (gender and sexual diversity), and GLOW (gay, lesbian, or whatever).

All of these terms have various origin stories (mostly stemming from some kind of social media usage like Tumblr or Reddit) and different flags to represent them. Some include the idea of fetishists and BDSM practioners, others do not. Some have gotten controversy over the years due to the misbelief that some of them are open to people or objects that can not consent. 

It is ultimately up to the individual to decide what term they feel most comfortable with attempting to describe the complex experience that is human sexuality. 

Fraysexuality

In honor of PRIDE month (June) I'll be touching on some not as well known sexual orientations. I actually got requested to write about this one from a reader, so a shout out to that anonymous reader!

Fraysexuality is in a sense the polar opposite of "demisexuality". It is a sexual orientation found under the asexual umbrella. It means someone who regularly experiences sexual attraction (of varying degrees) to strangers or almost complete strangers (not nessascarily every single stranger they come across but a large chunk of them). However, once they start to get to know the person and the relationship naturally progresses to a title beyond stranger (such as becoming friends with the person), the person regularly experiences loss of sexual attraction. In simple English: they are sexually attracted to strangers or almost complete strangers but once they start to form a bond with said strangers, they no longer feel sexual attraction.

Google Trends shows the term popping up on Google since at least April 2015. However, it is possible the term was coined long before that. It is often difficult to find the exact origins of these newer sexual orientation labels. It is unknown where or who exactly coined "fraysexuality" (Reddit, Tumblr, Facebook, AVEN, somewhere else).

The fraysexual official flag

The flag originated off of Tumblr (the Tumblr is no longer online). However, the flag color meanings mean this: the blue and cyan color represent strangers or less-than-familiar relationships with people. The white is the lack of attraction. The grey/gray (whatever your choice for spelling for this word) represents the confusion that fraysexuals often feel when dealing with relationships. 

Pomosexuality

Pomosexual breaks down into "post modern sexual". It was a term coined in October 1997 by the book "PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality" by Carol Queen, Lawrence Schimel, and Kate Bornstein. The book has not aged well in regards to terminology used in the book, but it is an excellent edition to "queer theory" in general. The term "pomosexual" is only recently (within the past five years or so) started to become popular in LGBTQIA circles.

Pomosexual has been used in a variety of ways over the years:

• "Screw labels" for lack of a better phrase
• Some people see pomosexual as the "in between" label between all sexual orientation labels (regardless of said orientation labels)
• "The queer's queer" according to the Pomosexual book by Queen, and Schiemel (since Bornstein only wrote the preface of the book)
• It has been used to say "I don't feel there is currently a term to accurately capture the scope of my sexual identity, but I feel there will be one in the future when I feel we have a more complex understanding of human sexuality"
• A person may choose to identify as "pomosexual" because they feel terms like "heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual" may cater towards cisgender individuals and not transgender or intersex individuals

The book, itself is mostly made up of different stories from real people that explore their complex sexual identities (one story involved a man who liked to pose as a woman dominatrix online to humiliate clients who were men, but the person vehemently denied wanting to do any sexual activities with men in the real world). 

The pomosexual official flag, the flag was deemed the official flag in 2017

Unfortunately pomosexuality is a term that the internet often tries to oversimplify, which is one of the worst mistakes one can make when exploring and analyzing human sexuality. It is so much more than just "I am rejecting conventional labels". One metaphor that is great for explaining pomosexuality is: "Imagine a giant box labeled "LGBT". Now, in that box is a bunch of smaller boxes. Each of those smaller boxes is labeled with their own sexual orientation labels ("bisexual", "asexual", "pansexual", "polysexual", etc.). No matter how tightly you pack those boxes together, there is still some space between the boxes, even if it's a miniscule amount. That is pomosexuality."